Last night I had woken up several times to go to the washroom and as the night progewssed my urine turned into a lighter colour indicating that perhaps my hydration levels were getting better. The last couple of days and today I may have a lot of spelling and small mistakes because my vision seems to be shot as things are a biit blurry. Our friendly neighbourhood nurse asked this morning if I needed hydration and I said sure if I could get it at home, so arrangements were made for me to get it today and tomorrow. At 9:30 and 10:30 I got phone calls telling me that the pharmacy would drop off the supplies in the morning and that a nurse could come early afternoon. Apparently early afternoon is 5pm, as that is when I received the phone call to have someone come and give it to me. I told them that it was too late at that time and I did not want it at night, so canceled it. I will be getting it tomorrow morning though. I do have bloodwork and preassessment in the morning so I am not sure if I should get the cancer center to put it in for me then or have the at home nurse come. I am not going to lie, after the experience I had in the ER, I appreciate my palliative care, cancer center nurses and lab techs far more. When I get needles from them it is painless, it is not a pleasant experience, but it is not bad.
Today has been a rough day for eating as textures are still a bit of an issue and not being able to taste things is tough. The tiramisu that Mel purchased was a different brand than what we nornally get and the texture was off too much and not soft enough. I ate it all becaue i wanted the calories but it was really hard to eat. For dinner we had salmon rice and vegetables with either a red curry sauce or a herbed lemon butter sauce. I tasted the red curry sauce and could taste nothing but heat so I was a bit concerned and asked Mel how it was. She said it tasted fine, but the heat came late. I did not even bother trying the other sauce and had Mel and Olivier try it and they both enjoyed it. If I had to redo it I can think of so many ways I could have made the dish better, but today it was adequate. I love my sister dearly and she intervened on my behalf and explained to my mother on why I wanted food with very little flavours and how flavours make it quite difficult for me to eat. My mother was trying to be nice and add in more flavour to things but I was just craving something simple and boring. I ate the tiramisu rather late this evening and it is sitting so heavy in my stomach that I regret eating it. Drinking fluiids now is more difficult for me and I do not even want to eat at the moment. This evening I was asking Mel where my warm slippers were and she said we may have thrown them out. She likes to do that every now and then to ensure that we support the economy by spendind money. I found some Baffin insulated slippers that were on sale so I bought the shoe version and the boot version. I think that they were heavily discounted because they were red and maroon., which happen to be 2 of my favorite colours so I was quite happy with my purchase. They are also good for neuropathy which I happen to have.
Something that I should do more often, but do not is talk to Mel about my feelings and teach her how to do things around the house. We have a lot of smart devices around the house and when they do not work she tells me and I will fix it quickly. I also handle all of the finances as tends to spend 90% of her income on beauty products. We have so many Korean beauty products on the shelf that she has her own walk in closet for it all. i actually do not know how much she has or where she stores it all. She gets mad at me for not consolidating everything that we have undet our financial advisor and I should get on that, but then I get busy and i do not. When I am not doing well it stresses her out because I handle a lot around tue house and she will then be responsible to do it on her own. I need to teach her about cybersecurity and how our network is secured. I do not think that she will like the way that I have VLAN’s set up to separate all of our internet traffic in our house. Mel asks me if I worry about the future, and I do not, because we will figure it out, but I think it is tough for her watching me when I struggle and not beiing able to help. I showed some people photos of me pre-cancer to now and they were quite shocked at the difference in my body. Mel had said that now they wouldl just think that I am some skinny tall Asian guy, but I was considerably bigger before. Things hare changed a lot for us since we first got together till now. I am older than Mel is, so she was going to outlive me regardless most likely. That is where her discomfort lies, in the fact that even though I can not do as much as I use to, we still have a parternship. The burden of raising two young boys on her own and managing everything is quite daunting, but we have an amazing support system so I think she would be ok. We had spoken about how all of this is impacting the kids and we do ot really know for sure. Both kids are aware of the blog, and I am sure that Xavier may read it on occasion or look at it while Olivier would ignore it for now. At some point if thiings take a turn then we will get some support for both of them, but until then we will probably not. Today is much better than the weekend was and thihgs are getting better. Tomorrow should be my best day, but it is also the time when my white blood cells are at their lowest. I shou;d dictate these entries but I am old and still prefer to type this out.
QHM