I was concerned with my weight as I was not sure if the ascites was building up quickly, but this evening my weight is in the normal range which is quite reassuring. We told the kids that tomorrow we were going out for dinner to celebrate and the kids asked why. After informing them that it would be the 1 year anniversary of when we found out the cancer was back the conversation took quite an interesting turn. It seems that the kids did not remember that I had surgery or radiation so they kept on asking questions about that. To be fair it was a day surgery and I was back the same day. They do remember the stories that I said I would tell people that I was a test tube baby so that is why i was missing an umbilical cord. They also seem to have forgotten me showing them my flat stomach and are quite oblivious to that. Xavier keeps on calling himself an abandoned child and said we had abandoned the, during this time. What actually happened that I am sure that I have told before is when we got back from Spain I had to go into the hospital on the Monday and I ended up being hospitalized. Mel stayed with me the whole day and came back home around 10pm to sleep. Throughout that whole period we did not really communicate much with the kids what was happening. My parents brought food and checked in on them, but Xavier likes to point out that we abandoned him because he came home, did not know where we were, had to fend for himself for dinner and waited until 10pm to find out what was happening. This was the start of his abandoned child storyline and he likes to throw in all of sort of other instances where he feels slighted. My hospitalizations and times that I am not home and in the hospital are not a big. deal to the kids as I always return home and can manage to recover to some extent. They asked why I was not continuing radiation and we said that you can only have it so many times. The running joke now is does it cause cancer, because it seems that everything does but that should not bother me much seeing as I already have it. My neuropathy is quite managable for the most part except for when parts of my body get cold. While we were shopping this evening we were in some areas that were cold and that tingling sensation comes up again. It is not painful now, but it is quite annoying.
When I was in University I would occasionally go out to bars and things with my friends when they were around, but I never really cared about dating or working on relatiionships. I remember that there were some girls that were interested in me and we would talk almost daily and they would be flirty and I would be oblivious. Some times they would drop hints that they were talking to other people and try and get me to be jealous. When this happens it actually had the opposite impact on me and I did not care and would stop talking to them. My time was valuable to me and I was not going to waste my time trying to chase someone who was not 100% sure if they wanted a relationship. When Mel came along I did not think that we would date or actually have a relationship. It kind of happened accidentally as we would just spend time together studying on our own and then we would take a break, go do something ridiculous for a while and then go back to work. She never tried to compete with my love of research or asked much of me. We would sit there in silence studying and working on our own thing. She would occasionally have a question and ask me and I would help guide her, and that was about it. The difference between her though and others was she was smart. She was top of her class in most and was brilliant. If you strip away all of her intelligence though she was probably one of the most genuinely nice people I had met. She always had a smile and a kind word for everyone and she was always beaming with positivitiy. I always have appreciated how she gets so much joy from the smallest thing, like a beautiful sunset where she will sit there and really appreciate it. Kids are a reflection of the parents good and bad. My parents and Mel’s parents have nuances that drive us crazy, but what both of our parents instilled in us was a work ethic and a kindness to others. Mel’s parents are probably some of the most unselfish people I have met who have always gone out of their way to help out regardless of how much it impacts them. Mel does the same thing as do our kids now. I think that our closely our families have aligned is what strengthens our family. My parents and Mel’s parents will help each other out as much as they can, and when we struggle at home both of them are always willing to step up.
We have a lot of conversations about food with the kids and we got talking about balsamic vinegar and how good ones are aged. I had told him that good balsamic vinegars are aged a minimum of 12 years and some good ones are over 25 years. He tells us that we should have started aging one when he was born so he could have it now to appreciate. Within our house we have quite a few varieties of balsamic vinegars and tell them that we use the for different purposes. I have one very small bottle that is around $40, but it is delicious and we only use it for very specific applications. Olivier would appreciate it as last night when we were having some charcuterie, he asked for some truffle honey to drizzle on his cheese. I told him to use it sparingly as I did no want to waste. Mel and I told the boys that they can enjoy our expensive bottles of things, but they need to understand the application. You would not use all 125ml of my more expensive balsamic if you are going to use it in an application that you may not notice, like adding so little into a sauce. While we were at Costco I saw some thing that quite annoyed me. There was a family that was checking out and then they decided that they no longer wanted something, so the father told the kid to put it on top of some snacks in the aisle. It bothers me because if you were not going to return it to the right place you have the option of telling the cashier that you no longer want it and they can put it back. Luckily it was not a perishable item. but I have seen that done so many times. It is more annoying because you are teaching your child that this ty;e of behaviour is ok. Kids can be a reflection of parents. ehvuour and they will learn from you. Is this the lesson that you want to teach your child? Parents make mistakes and sometimes you just do your best to make it through the day, but behaviour like this annoys me, as does not returning a cart to the properly location. I have brought carts back to the proper place and then slowly walked back to my vehicle in the accessible spot. Our kids always return it without question. Xavier is quite amusing when you try and discuss thigs like this with him as his response is why would you not do it if it is easy. He is right as it is not difficult to do the right thing. There is no judgment or questioning why we need help, all we receive from them is love. That is the most important lesson that was passed down and hopefully Mel and I have taught that lesson to our kids as well.
Quoc Hao