My taste sensastions are starting to dull as I have a bit of tingling on my tongue. It is not super bad, but i can tell, using the rinse helps me out a lot. The other sensation that comes back is an uneasiness in the pit of my stomach. It feels different, if I push things too much it is uncomfortable, but not bad enough to throw up or anything like that. I do not mind it, but it is something that i need to be aware of because it makes eating a bit more uncomfortable. It does not change the amount that I can eat really, it just has a bit of discomfort. this fades after a couple of days. The neuropathy in the hands steadily decrease little by little as well but it is still annoying enough that I need to wear gloves. I got my grey gloves a bit dirty so I will need to throw them into the wash for Mel to wash. These are minor inconvenience that I can overcome fairly quickly and by the start of the non-treatment weeks it is fine. Last night I slept fairly well and I got up at 4am and not as frequently as I have in the past. My weight is slightly fluctuating daily betwen 1 pound up and down which is a good sign that the ascites does not seem to be accumulating because the weight is not steadily increasing. The nurse came today to give me my white blood cell injection and Mel watched and we will give it a try next time with Mel doing it. We changed the technique and will see if she can do it with guidance. When the nurse did it today, it was not pleasant but that is fine as she tried a new technique that hopefully Mel will be able to do as well. I do not mind the discomfort as it is short lived.
Last night while I was in bed I realized that my whole life has been focused on finding errors and correcting them. this is something that my parents have always done and it is not done with malicious intent but they have always pointed out flaws with the intent on how do you correct it. Even now when I think of the cancer treatment, I tend to focus on what is not going well and then think of ways to correct it or control it. It what makes me excel in work environments because I can find gaps or understand why things do not work and then figure out a way to close it fast. Focusing on just the problems can result in issues as well, so something that I have introduced into my team is trying to build psycnological safety. I have tried to make exposing problems the normal situation and not have it seem as a negative. I want problems to emerge and for people to be aware of them. My team happily and readily share when they are having difficulties as i encourage our team to help each other. We spent 5 minutes every day highlighting how someone helped them out instead of what they accomplished. The culture is this is the problem and the team collectively figured out a way to solve the problem. While I was going through treatment, the coaching of my direct reports and others slipped a bit. My treatment schedule has now stabilized and I have been focusing more on development of my team. I want a team that can function without me and I am trying to instill in them the ability to adapt.
I noticed that I build this within my kids as well. We do not teach them to be resilient, we teach them to be adaptable and how to grow on their own. Today Olivier asked if he could make pancakes on his own and we told him that he can make pancakes for breakfast tomorrow morning for everyone. He wants to do this on his own and we will allow him and guide him. I will give him the recipe and see how well he does it and if he makes a mess, so be it. Mel can clean it up afterwards as I will not be able to, so it is cool if the kitchen is a disaster. One thing that I do not like is when he adds chocolate chips to the pancakes as they tend to burn and make a mess into the pan so I am not fond of making them. He loves them though so I will let him, perhaps tomorrow is a good time to try and test out various types of pancakes as well. They do enjoy when I pan fry bananas to include with the pancakes so while he is focusing on the pancakes I can work on other things. If he gets good at this then it will allow us to cook together in the kitchen and cook more things. It is important to allow them to grow and to let them make mistakes. I will correct his technique while we go and I will try and be patient while we go through this. Mel thinks that I have far more patience while I am at work and I am impatient at home. She is not wrong, at work I focus on tackling the problems together while at home I do not always do that. I need to be more consistent with things. I expect perfection from mysef, as as my progeny I have higher expectations on them whether it i right or wrong.
Xavier and Mel will practice striking as much as he can. What this entails is Xavier punching his mother while she wears striking gloves. The issue is that he is quite strong now and even when he pulls his punches it is too much for Mel. She was getting exhausted doing this with him and she enjoyed it but said it was quite the workout. Originally she did not want us to get Xavier a punching bag, but now she sees the benefits of one and wants to use it as well. I think she wants to get stronger and will work out along side of Xavier. We just need to figure out how to put it up. I actually have some ideas to put it up in the garage as we do have a system in there right now where it could be put up. We have room downstairs where we have drop down ceiling where I think if we have a joist exposed we can attach it there and he can then put it up when he wants and take it down. He is strong enough to life a 100lb bag and attach it. Or if we just kept it in the garage it would be ok there as we do not park the vehicle in there during the summer months. I think that we will wait until his birthday to make sure that he really likes this. He does go twice a week now for 3 hours each time participating in the youth and adult training sessions Once we know for sure that he likes it and wants to continue then I will not have much issue paying for it.
We can try and plan as much as we want, but things will change. How we adapt and overcome the setbacks is what is important. Olivier might have setbacks, but we will resolve them together tomorrow. Xavier needs something that will allow him to practice and Mel is willing to adapt and see the benefits of it. Xavier has adapted his strength to make sure that he does not hurt Mel. I need to have more patience with the family and treat them as helping to coach them.
Q