Yesterday I got the results from my CT scan and we met with the doctor this morning. The concensus is that we are unsure of everything and just know that I have cancer “somewhere”. The doctor is concerned about the neuropathy becoming permanent so he wants to switch early to a different treatment. Things seem to be stable, but he is going to argue that there is progression as there is some thickening of the walls. He also seems to be more open to me going back to Spain now that he knows that it will not bankrupt our family and we have reserved money for it. He mentioned that we should consult with the team to see what their thoughts are. The new treatment uses one of the drugs that they had sprayed inside of me with a different drug. He thinks that it might be beneficial but we are unsure as this is a new treatment that I will be doing. The downside of all of this is that it will require me to get treatment weekly now for 3 weeks and then I get a 1 week reprieve and then start the cycle again. When you read some of the studies on the successful people who have switched over early is it ever depressing still. It talks about extending life by months as opposed to years. It is a stark reminder that what I have is considered terminal and incurable and how difficult it is for most people. I seem to be an anomoly in this situation where all of the results are not the normative results so it makes treatment a bit difficult. The doctor asked if i am ok with this new treatment and whether I needed to think about it and I said I am fine wuth experimentation. If Spain replies that they would like to undergo another PIPAC then we will delay things here. As of right now I have no chemotherapy next week and it is tentatively scheduled for the week after right now. This is always fun to try something new and hopefully the side effects are not as bad. He said that I might lose my hair again which is not a big deal, he said I look good bald. Tomorrow I am going to the hospital to get drained, I am wondering how much they will take out tomorrow and how long it will take. I am sure that it is going to be a lot of fun. Mel does not think I should drive, so she is going to drive me in and then I think I will hitchhike back home. I have never tried it before, or I can get a ride. I think I should try new things out. I will stand outside the cancer center and see how long it takes for someone to volunteer to take me home.
I am actually quite glad that we will be revising this as this will make it easier for me next weekend when we are gone to the hockey tournament. I am not going to be overly fatigued and will be able to enjoy the hockey and spend time with everyone. Hopefully I will have more energy. Today as I have recovered I have not felt the need for a nap and think that I will get on just fine without taking one, even though I was up bright and early. The new treatment will also not require me to take home a bottle for treatment at home. I will need to always double flush though as I will almost always have some chemodrug within my system. We will see how I react to this new treatment. This also makes it a bit trickier if we wanted to plan some sort of a vacation.
When I was in high school we use to take the bus out to Garson and boy was that an interesting adventure. Our bus driver at the time was rather inconsistent and he would not always show up on time or he would relay inappropriate stories to us about how he was out last night drunk and was hung over. The worst part though was on some occasions when the bus got rowdy and the senior kids would do some sort of initiation to some of the younger kids, he would want to pull over and try and participate where the whole bus would turn on him and tell him to drive the bus. I think that everyone wants to fit in and a lot of the times the intent may be bonding or bringing people into the fold. On our bus, when some of the things that occurred where very mild and for the most part done without any real harm. Even at the school while I had heard of some malicious things, some of it was harmless. For me one of the things that they made me do was count in Chinese. Not a big deal and they did not make fun of me afterwards or anything. When we were seniors we did not really do much of that and were for the most part nicer to the kids. Everyone wants to feel included and part of a group and kids can be mean and be exclusionary. That is something that my friends and I have always tried to avoid and even now I try and always include people in things that I do. If I could I would invite everyone that I know to our place for the pig roast and get a 100lb roast or several pigs to roast. Smaller pigs are tastier with more tender meat, so I did not want to get a pig that was too large. At most of the major holidays we try and include those that might be by themselves. I am lucky that Mel is ok with that and both of our families do not think it is weird or odd that I will randomly invite some people over at the last minute because they were alone.
The last couple of days I think I realized that even though I have the pig roast and all of that excitement happening on the weekend, on a day to day basis it is the same routine and I do not have much to look forward to. It makes each day tough, where the goal is make it through and hope tomorrow is better. A week is an eternity away when every hour is tough. During hockey season there was so much hockey and I looked forward to watching Xavier play. This year there was so much interest in where Xavier is going to play, but he wants to play in Capreol with his coach from last year and his friends. He thinks he will have more fun with them and it will allow him to also work out extensively and do BJJ. He may go to the U18AA tryouts in August for ice time and see how he does there, but I think he is over some of the drama and politics involved with hockey and is content with playing high school and houseleague. It will allow him to spend his spare time skiing, working out and BJJ. He signed up for a competition at the end of October and he booked it all on his own using his credit card. I gave him a secondary card on our sketchy payment visa that has a $500 limit. He uses it quite sparingly but I wanted him to have it in case there was some sort of an emergency and he could not use his debit card. He is quite responsible so I do not think that it will be much of an issue. I think that Xavier has figured out what he wants to do and he seems quite happy with it. He seems to be building a life that provides varied experiences and growth. I have the drainage tomorrow, the pig roast this weekend, the hockey tournament after that and then whatever Spain and the new treatment bring. At least for now the days are going to provide me new experiences.
QHM