Reddit is a website that I enjoy reading and have been on it for ages. I do not always post, but do on occasion when I have something relevant to say. Yesterday I was reading a post about someone who wanted to leave their current job for another opportunity but they were hesitant to leave their mentor. Their thought was that they did not want to disappoint or abandon their emotional support. They had said that they thought that they could do the job on their own and excel, but they did not want to burn bridges. My current team I have had them read some literature about high performing individuals and the importance of team dynamics. Being the best at something may impress people, but if you are able to help others become better the changes last after you are gone. Personal achievement draws attention, but the impact is often temporary and centered on the individual. Real strength operates differently, creating confidence in others, developing their capabilities and leaves people more prepared than they were before. It is easy to climb alone if the goal is simply to reach the top, but bringing others up with you require patience, sacrifice and genuine investment in people. It requires you to teach them when it is far easier to take over, encouraging someone when they doubt themselves and creating opportunities for their growth instead of protecting your own position. The strongest people are not the loudest, the most recognized or the most decorated. They are the ones that leave a lasting mark on the people around them. They make their teams. steadier, family stronger and individuals more confident in themselves. Their influence continues long after the conversation has ended. Strength is not measured only by what you accomplishfor yourself, but it is measured by whether the people around you leave stronger after meeting you.
Mel is always worried about how things are at home when she is not around. What she does not necessarily realize is how awesome the two kids are when she is not here. When Mel and I are both here we are their safety net and we act as their frontal lobe in charge of executive functioning. What it means is they are competent if we prompt them, but if we do not then they tend to just sit back and not do things. It is not that they lack responsibility, but they know that we will prompt them when things need to be done. I do not prompt them at all and tell them that they are responsible for things, and Mel also reinforces that I need help and they need to step up. I actually go to bed before the two of them and I tell them that they are responsible for their own nightly routines. The two of them will make sure that the kitchen is relatively clean and all of the major chores we do daily are done. Olivier today, showered and prepared everything that he had to on his own without any guidance. Both of them make their own breakfast and lunch and clean up after themselves. If Mel and I both had to leave for a weekend, they would both be able to survive on their own and the house would be in an ok state. Olivier knew that Mel was expecting some seeds to arrive in the mail and went on his own to the mailbox to check up on things and he will highlight if he deems might be important for us. Mel has done a fantastic job of teaching them how to do a lot of chores around the house and having them do it independently. When they make mistakes we correct them and tell them how to do it next time. Initially it takes a bit more effort and work but now both of them help out a lot with household chores and things flow smoothly even when one of the parents is gone. Olivier had a headache this morning and he asked if he could take an advil. He knows where they are stored and tried to find it on his own in the bag where he knows they are stored. He could not find the bag in the bathroom and I told him it was probably in our room as we had just gone away. He found the bag and took one and then took a couple for when he went to his friends for a sleepover tonight. He prepared everything that he needed for the sleepover on his own, so I hope that he has everything that he needs because I did not verify if he did. He said he did and I trust he did.
This morning I realized that I may not always be in control of things and might be oblivious to it. At some point this morning when I got up I noticed that I had some wetness on my body and i had to quickly go to the washroom where I noticed there was some pee in the undergarment. Luckily I always wear one now because I have a fear of things like this happening. It clicked in this morning when I looked that I knew it was damp because it must have just happened, but if it happens during the night when I am sleeping I may not be aware. I am not sure what it is like if it gets wet and dries out. I have never checked. I think that I am going to try and saturate it a bit and see what it is like so I know. I still can not go more than 4 hours without peeing, so I will get up several times during the night. I should go back to drinking the boost, but I do not always want to as it does keep me up. At 4am I have difficulty falling back asleep right away because I feel I should go eat, so this is the ideal time for me to actually drink the boost. I will adjust and give that a try, or drink it partially at 1am and then go back to bed and finish it at 4am. Neuropathy in my hands has been more noticeable today. My hands have felt tingly all day long and washing my hands in anything but very warm water is not always comfortable. Food intake has been good and when I look at myself in the mirror, i do not look as depressing as I have in the past. The amount of dry skin that I have is impressive and when I wear something dark there is so many flakes every where. I am always in long pants and a long fleece sweaters so I think that a lot of it is coming from my head and then cascades down. I moisturize, but the treatment is not great for my skin. The interesting thing is that the kids use to make fun of me for how dry the skin was on my feet. Now that I go through chemo my feet are actually super moisturized and in fantastic condition all of the time. The kids know that other people in our family, like both of the grandfathers have had it as have myself. They do not seem to be too phased with it now and do not think that it is a big deal because within our household we have never let it define what we can or can not do. We just adjust how we do it and then move on with life. I continue to work and do not use it as an excuse for why i can not do something.
What I have realized is that a lot of life is adaptation and reinforcement. The same principle that applies to leadership and mentorship also applies at home. If you constantly do everything for people they never really develop confidence in themselves because they know someone else will step in before failure happens. At some point you need to trust that the lessons and values you invested into people are enough for them to function on their own. The interesting thing is that you often do not realize whether you succeeded until you quietly step back and watch what happens when you are no longer directing everything. I think that is what real leadership and parenting actually are. It is not controlling every outcome or proving that you are needed every second of the day. It is creating people that can think, adapt and continue moving forward even when you are tired, absent or no longer able to carry everything yourself.
Quoc Hao