It always amuses me how many people read my blog, Mel’s coworkers read it and see insights into her life through my eyes, or friends of her get to experience the daily nuances of our life. Last night I found out that Mel was the one that invited my parents to our house. They had sent her a photo of some food and asked her if she was interested. Once upon a time they would send it to both of us, but I would shoot it down. Mel is a sweet summer child who has yet to learn. My kids know better. Mel replied sure bring one we will try it out. What my parents hear is we should buy enough for her whole family and her to last a couple of weeks, what if it does not go on sale again until next week? Our freezer being too full can be blamed solely on her. She is right though in that this is how they show their love. They show it through pointing out flaws in what we are doing so we can correct ourselves and bringing us food. Mel said that by her agreeing it allows them a reason to come check on me and make sure that I am ok. They seem to believe that the cancer is not terminal and one day I am going to be cured. We have told them repeatedly that the cancer is still there, but they ignore that part. I banned them from bringing food over and Mel says yes. The kids shook their heads and laughed.
We got the translation back from Spain today and I am not sure exactly what to do with the news from it. The biopsy and analysis of the fluids were negative indicating that they did not find cancer in the fluids or within the tissue that they sampled. It is possible that the area that they sampled is clean and they missed the area where the cancer is supposed to be. The original analysis of the margins showed cancer cells there, so we need to believe that it was accurate. Visual scan and further tests indicated otherwise, but it is possible that it has been contained to one small area and has not spread enough yet to see. There are markers that indicate that there is cancer, we are just not aware where it may be. The liquid that they extracted yesterday was not as milky as in the past, which means something clinically. We just are not sure what, as it is abnormal with how mikly it was to begin with. With my treatment today the nurses were surprised that i got a port so quickly, considering that they do 1 a week and I took it first thing on Monday morning at the behest of me not wanting a PICC. They did not think that i would get the port so quickly. I had left it covered until I showed up at treatment and it actually looks wonderful. The doctor was able to suture and close the wound from the original port and this port looks more buried. The nurses all thought that they did a good job of it and thought that it all looked good. I was hesitant at first as when she was touching it, it was quite tender and did not feel great. The insertion of the needle was fantastic however and it went rather smoothly. The placement is more off to the side, so lifting my arm is more difficult and brings discomfort, but the flow of liquid through my body is not as bad and it feels much more comfortable. The new port looks healthier than the old and it does not bulge out nearly as much.
When times are tough it is much harder to reflect back on things you are grateful for. It is much easier when things are going well as you are not in survival mode and trying to get through the day to start fresh with a new day. I remember when we had Xavier, he did not sleep well and it was quite tough with him. We are lucky that we had him in the summer and the days are longer. When we saw the sun come up at 5:45am it was such a relief that we had made it through the night and it was a new day. We were tired, but we had survived the night. I think that this is why I can make it through a lot of this. I know that some of the discomfort and things are temporary and that the sun will come up again soon. But there are times where it feels like winter and that new day seems so far away. I should be more grateful that Mel’s parents and my parents are willing to do groceries for me and that so many people want to help out. I am grateful for all of the work that Mel has taken on from doing late night dishes and cleaning the kitchen at 11pm before coming to bed. Her strength through all of this has been amazing. Out of all the wives I have had, she is the best one. My nurse was checking up on me and i had asked what time we were done at and she said around 4:30. I said that our son would need to be picked up and that he would have to wait, but it was not a big deal because it was at the arena and he would be comfortable there as I was close with the owners. She remarked that I knew everyone. That has been a rather amusing constant thread through my life that I know a lot of people and have a lot of connections. That has helped me out a lot and there are a lot of unsung people that are doing things for me in the background that i am not always aware of. I appreciate all of the help that these people provide and they do it in secrecy without wanting anything in return.
Quoc Hao