When I first found out about the cancer and was told that I could expect to be off of work for 6 to 9 months it seemed like such a long time. One of my friends told me that the time would fly by and before you knew it, the time would pass. It did not seem like it at the beginning. Time moved very slowly some days, while other days it flew by. I do not necessarily regret how I spent my time, but the message that has been consistent by the doctors was to enjoy my time. When doctors say things like that, it makes it sound like you are a palliative care patient approaching end of life care. After the diagnosis I appreciated the small moments I spent with the kids more. Little things like putting them to bed, I would stay in the bedroom with them after they fell asleep just to be near them. It helped in the sense that it put in perspective what is important to me. I was never one to go out to parties and do wild things like that. I have always been a homebody and would go out when persuaded by friends. I preferred a more quiet and intimate setting. My doctors were concerned more about quality of care and me doing what I could to enjoy things. I appreciated that. With covid we spent a lot of time with our immediate family and did not go out to see friends much. I enjoy spending time with friends and family but I have quickly realized that it tires me out really fast. I can manage to go to the arena with Xavier for 2+ hrs and to do that. When it is a bit more than 3+ hrs if it is not at our home then fatigue comes in more quickly. At home I can go take a break and Mel can entertain. It is not as easy if we are out.
After this year it makes you think about how you want to spend your time with your loved ones. Mel has learned to let a lot of small things go and to lower the standards of some of the previous things we did at home. With limited time, you can not worry about the small things. We eat out a bit more now, but Xavier has hockey at weird times, so we eat dinner prior at 4:00pm and by 7:00pm he is hungry again so we pick up food on the way home. We are not going to make two dinners to eat in the same day and once we come home after hockey we may not have time to cook a meal, clean up and then spend time with the kids. You need to sacrifice something, so we sacrifice money in order to spend more time with the kids doing things.
I think Mel and I had less disagreements this year because we compromised more. We did not have time or energy to worry about small things that did not matter. It was about surviving day to day. The most important thing to me was that we were going through this together. She provided a ridiculous amount of support and spent most of her time taking care of everything in the house, me and her full time job. If I want watching TV or playing video games when she comes downstairs, if she wants to watch something, she has earned the right to watch or do what she wants. I try to help as much as I can, but I do not think that it is even remotely close to a 50:50 split right now. Most of my time is focused on resting and recovering, but I need to make sure I reserve enough time for her and our family.
There are so many small moments this year that I have spent with our family that I appreciate. These are the things that are memorable to me and what I remember as opposed to all the bad things. I remember telling Mel that I had cancer and her reaction at the time, not that it was something that would impact our lives drastically. I remember telling my colleagues and the reactions of sadness and tears. When friends found out they were shocked, but provided support. When I went through chemo treatment, I remember spending time with the nurses and managers who were my friends and us talking and joking around. When I underwent surgery the time spent in the hospital allowed me to reflect on what was important to me. Mel and I never really dated in a traditional sense. All of our time spent together was us doing work side by side and the two of us taking breaks to talk about things. When in the hospital I would rest and she would be on her phone just being with me. I did not think that I would care whether she was there with me or not, but I do remember wanting her there and her spending time with me was the best times of the day. It made the time go by quickly. Our dates consisted of us taking a break at midnight to make spaghetti sauce from scratch for a midnight snack, or going skating at the ice rink at 2am. Random dances in the kitchen where her parents thought we were crazy. I spent most of my time this year filled with happy thoughts and memories as opposed to even thinking about the cancer or other ailments. With the limited time we have, focus on the things that spark joy and the moments that are difficult seem much more fleeting and easier to manage.
Q