Day 52 – 1.04.52

I am finished the first round of treatment now and my fingers are as tingly as ever. It is remarkable how some of the effects compound a bit. Any slight coldness makes my fingers tingle. I bought more gloves to wear around the house for now. It only lasts for about a week so it is not too bad.

Today’s post is mostly about gratitude for things that people have done and paying things forward. In my life I have had a lot of help from a lot people and at some point in your life, you will need help from someone. Sometimes people help you out without you knowing and do not make a deal about it, so it remains a secret until someone tells you. You may also request help and this is when you know who is really there for you. People who are truly on your side will without hesitation agree to help without caring what you ask for. These are people that you keep in your life and know will always have your back. I am lucky to be surrounded by so many people that will unconditionally help out even without knowing the conditions.

1.) When I was first diagnosed with cancer it was suggested that I contact people that I know at the hospital to help out. I did not really want to call in any favours yet, but I did call a couple of people for information on how to proceed with things. These people followed up with things and did things on their own. Whether it was making sure I did not fall through the cracks or setting things up to make my progression easier, I appreciate the help that people provided. They did it discretely and did not make a big deal about it. It is nice to see people care and help you out.

When I worked at the hospital I would randomly buy gift cards at Tim Horton’s and pay for people in line. Normally when there were a lot of patients in line. If you are at the hospital, most of the time it is not for something good. It is rare that people are not stressed there. This was my way of paying it forward to people and I would attempt to be discrete about it, but on occasion people would be in line and they would somehow find out what I did and send me an email. The email was appreciated but it was me trying to do some good.

I use to keep random money in my desk at the hospital…loose change and I told my colleagues that if they were ever short on money feel free to grab it for a coffee or whatever. Once I came back to the office in the morning and all of the money was gone. I was not angry about it, but sad that someone felt the need to ransack my petty change. I left a note and $20 saying if you need the money take it. If someone is desperate enough to steal petty change at a risk of losing their job, they need the money more than I do. It was not my colleagues, but some one at the hospital.

2.) Growing up, the first year that my family was in Sudbury, St. Andrews the Apostle Church in New Sudbury paid for our apartment and supplied us for food. There were a bunch of families that sponsored my family and helped us out. Growing up I did not know that this was done, nor did I ever feel that we were missing out on things. I know that we did not have much money, but I never felt it nor cared. Our apartment was filled with love and we even had an Atari 2600 growing up. I was not left wanting for anything. I do not remember having many toys in the apartment, but we used our imaginations and played outside with other kids. It was not about what we did not have, but appreciating what we did have. As we grew up I always tried to volunteer for things. In grade 2, my best friend and I were in charge of evaluating computer programs and determining which class the programs were appropriate for. In grade 5, he and I ran the school newspaper and barely did any school work. We would write the tests, but for most of the class we were at the back of the classroom on the computers working on the school newspaper. When we got into high school volunteering was mandatory in the senior grades, but we started when we were younger. The church would call some families for strong boys to help carry out food and gifts to be distributed at Christmas, and we were always volunteered to go help. We would come into the house after playing and told that we were going to go help out at the church. I did not mind helping out. I normally would get paired with one of the sponsors that helped out my family. What really struck me though was some of the families that we distributed the boxes to were middle class homes or families that were just having a hard time. I was expecting us to be going primarily to low income areas, but the majority of the homes were middle-class homes. All people go through rough times, and everyone needs help. I am not religious nor do I go to church, but I do appreciate some of the good work that churches do and ones that do not discriminate. I am quite fortunate that when I did not know that I needed help that people helped me out, and when I actively searched out for help, there was no shortage of people willing to help out. When you surround yourself with good people, going through a hard times in your life like cancer is not difficult. The support around is so strong that people help out in ways that you do not realize you need help in.

3.) Melanie and I tend to disagree on how much we should spend on giving to charities at times. I prefer to be over generous and normally I win out. It is not that Mel is not generous but when I throw out a number it is generally double hers. I argue that are we going to really miss this extra amount? It will be good for the people or organization. She tends to be more conservative with me in spending, with the exception of plants that spark joy. Then there is no ceiling. As long as it sparks joy, then it is money well spent. The interesting thing is that our kids are a bit ridiculous. Every Christmas we get them to donate money to some charity and the amount of their choice. They tend to want to donate $50, and we tell them that is a lot of their money, but they want to do it because it to help out others. We try and teach them that when you can, help out others any way that you can. We match what they give, but when we tell them they can give less, they refuse. They say it is for a good purpose and they want to give it. It warms my heart to think that our kids have learned this lesson. Most of my friends are generous with donating their time or their money to causes that they believe in. The generosity of my friends is ridiculous. My friends and I often take turns paying for things and no one keeps count of whom pays for what or frequencies. It all comes out eventually amongst friends. If someone takes advantage then how good of friends were they in the first place, they will eventually be dropped for other reasons.

One of the strongest lessons I have learned through my life is be good to others. Do not do it for recognition, but because it is the right thing to do. If you do this, you will attract like minded people and you will then be surrounded by positive energy. When you are down and need someone to lift you up, you can draw on the positive energy of others who will willing give it without any thought of recompense. People will sense when you need help and assist you even if you do not think you do. I noticed during cancer people focus on things they are missing out on or will miss out. Appreciate all you have and the support you have. The support from your loved ones last forever.