I had mentioned on Friday when I was speaking with the social worker while writing my legacy document that I got emotional at one point. Over the weekend, I have seen numerous posts from people I have interacted with over the years sharing positive things about me and my family, and it gave me a very different perspective on that moment. When I was sitting there with the social worker, it was not about what others thought of me. It was internal. I felt the impact of my mortality in a way that is difficult to describe, and I had to reflect on what I actually want my family to remember me by. At some point, I will die, and what remains is memory. That is what they carry forward. I found myself thinking about what I wanted that memory to represent. I want them to be positive. I want them to overcome things. I want them to have confidence in themselves and not accept limitations placed on them by others. That has always been important to me, but it felt much more real in that moment.
As I reflected on it more, I realized that a lot of what I value comes from how I have approached leadership over the years. Whether through mentorship, coaching, or leading teams, I have always focused on developing people and helping others whenever I could. I think a lot of that came from academia, where the foundation was always about developing people and sharing knowledge. I believe that everyone is worth developing, and that belief has shaped how I interact with people. You invest in people not when it is convenient, but when it matters. You bring them in, you include them, and you make them feel like they are part of something bigger than themselves. Not in a superficial way, but in a way where they actually feel like they belong, like they are part of a family. I have pushed people, challenged them, and supported them so they could see more in themselves than they thought possible. Growth is not reserved for a few. It is available to everyone if someone is willing to stand beside them and demand more from them.
At the same time, I am aware that I have not always been easy. I have challenged authority, treated rules as flexible when they did not make sense, and pushed back more than I probably should have. Mel has warned me more than once about getting myself fired, and she is probably right in many of those cases. I have also realized something else about myself through all of this. I tend to show up the most when things are difficult. When things are going well, I step back and let people run. When things are not, I lean in and stay close. If people remember anything about me, I would want it to be that I was there for them when it actually mattered.
What has been unexpected over the last few days is seeing that come back. The messages, the calls, the support from people I know well and from people I have only briefly interacted with. It is not the amount of anything that stands out, it is the number of people who chose to reach out and be present. There is something reassuring in that. It tells me that the way you show up for people does not disappear. It stays with them.
On a more practical level, I have been feeling quite well this weekend and have not felt overly fatigued. I have been able to do quite a bit, which is a good sign. Some of that is probably physical, and some of it is likely the energy from everything that has been happening around us. My weight is slowly increasing, which is likely a combination of fluid build up and me eating more. It seems manageable for now, and the focus is on getting to Spain and seeing how the treatment impacts the ascites. Mel is already planning out the first few days with the kids, and I am thinking more about how I manage my energy. I have not pushed myself too much yet, so tomorrow will be a bit of a test. We are going to Costco, and I will try to go without the wheelchair to see how I handle it. It will give me a better sense of what I can realistically manage when we are in Spain. I can move fine and do stairs without issue. The wheelchair has never really been about movement, it is about managing fatigue. More than anything, this weekend has shown me the impact of people showing up for each other. I have tried to live that way, and seeing it come back like this means more than I can properly put into words. I am grateful for all of it.
Quoc Hao