Mel will one day read all of this once she is ready to and I am sure that I am going to get in trouble. She will say that I should have told her some of these things. I have not been feeling well today, but I am not sure if it is because I had some shots yesterday. As the day progresses I am feeling better and better, so I think it was due to the shots. I have been avoiding weighing myself because It is easier to be blind to things, but last night while showering it seems that the growth on the umbilicus is a bit bigger, so I weighed myself. I have dropped a couple of pounds. It seems that with my weight loss it seems to get bigger, but I am not sure if that is just in my head or not. I tend to try and not tell her when I am not feeling well, but I think that she knows. She will not ask me to do much and will tend to do more. It is again one of those unsaid things where we do not necessarily want to vocalize to each other that I am not feeling well and we pretend that everything is ok. Yesterday I brought home the flooring and a friend of mine happened to be dropping by and helped to unload. After a couple of boxes, I was rather tired. I am not sure if it is in my head or because the cancer seems to be progressing, but I get fatigued more easily when I do manual labour or do things for too long, so I need to be careful. The amount of food that I am eating seems to be decreasing as well. It does not seem to work to eat smaller portions more frequently as times I still feel rather full. The thought was that I could eat a smaller amount and increase the frequency, but alas it has not worked so far this week.
Tomorrow morning I will be visiting the surgeon and Mel will come along. I am not sure how Mel is going to react if the news is not ideal. I do know that she will not like the doctor’s reaction as he will be rather stoic and to the point sticking to the facts of the matter. I appreciate that part of him, but it can be depressing at times. I am sure that Mel has a list of questions that she wants to ask, because I do not know if I would have any. There are also questions that I am not sure if I would ask if Mel is there as it may trigger her a bit. I appreciate the people that look out for me even when I do not. A lot of my friends look out for me and help me out behind the scenes for things and I appreciate it all.
I tend to end up tutoring kids of my friends randomly. Most of the time it starts with random conversation and then i mention that I can help them with learning it. I am not fond of our education system and how it teaches some people. My kids do not struggle with it, but I understand why so many do. Today I added another person to the list to help out. Interestingly I do not help my own kids as they do it in French and they ask Mel. They were trying to find an image of something last night and could not. I knew what they wanted and showed them an English version. Once I told Xavier what to search he then proceeded to tease Mel and ask how was she not familiar with the Köppen-Geiger climate classification. The name just rolls off your tongue. Super easy.
I have spent a large portion of my life teaching people and it is something I enjoy.
At one of our hockey games Mel was talking to a parent that I knew from when I was in high school. Our friends dated so we would run into each other at the bars on occasion. I am not sure what kids do in Sudbury these days in University as it seems quite different. Every now and then I hear someone call me by my nickname from high school. Crack. It originated from my friends who thought I was on drugs by my actions. When playing hockey I would race people to the puck to try and play it or attempt shots on the other goalie. In high school my favorite football player was Deion Sanders and he was super flashy and would high step all of the time in celebration. For God knows what reason I would rush into class high stepping all of the time. I do not understand why I was always so pressed for time during class transitions. Most likely because I was up to shenanigans. We use to share Worther’s original in class and i remember the teacher asking if we had enough for everyone so of course I pulled out a bag to share with everyone. I do not remember much from high school except memories of things that my friends and I did or did not do. The connections that I made with my closest friends still persist today.
When are the hospital the running joke was I only had room for 5 friends in my life. I have a lot of friends that I consider family as opposed to friends. When I get numerous invitations to family events or spend time with the family without my friend I consider them family. My parents and their generation seem to have grudges that last forever. My cousin’s kids that I am close with in Toronto we agreed that we would stay out of the drama from the older generations and we would always support each other no matter what. I am grateful for my family, the biological and extended ones that are part of my life.
Tomorrow I will try and update people as soon as I can.
Q