The way that they show relationships and things within the Chinese shows is rather amusing. It is reminiscent of adolescent love the way that it is presented and acted out. A confession of any sort of affection is seen as a really big deal and there are next to no public displays of affection. I am not big on that either unless I am doing it in a mocking way. In one of the episodes the two main characters were hugging in public and then the mom knew that they must be in a relationship because it was so intimate. Growing up my parents did not show me a lot of physical affection so I can relate to this. In some episodes a side character got sick and they found he had cancer. It was super curable and they did not seem overly concerned. He had stomach cancer. This amused me because they spoke of it so nonchalant and it was not a big deal at all. Just stomach cancer. Easy to cure with a high survivor rate. When you see the numbers in North America they are not as optimistic. Showing him in the hospital he was getting along fine as well. I went through it and the movie version of it looks so much easier than mine. I would like that version, except he was in the hospital for months and I was in there 4 days. It amused me how inaccurate the versions were, but I do not think my version would have played out as well on the screen. If there is a version of my life I want a CGI version of me. I do not care if it looks fake. I am not sure if an actor will be able to properly capture my disappointing scowl. There will be too much happiness and it will lack the disappointment of bringing shame to the family name. It always amused me with Asian culture how much importance is given to outward public facing perception. My parents were not overly concerned so it helped out with me a lot. In the show the person who was undergoing treatment did not want his colleagues at work to be bothered by his illness.
What happens in public facing whole going through treatment and what happens behind closed doors is quite different. What writing helps me do is shape my thoughts behind closed door and make it presentable for others to understand. It is hard to convey to people and have them truly belief that you think things will be fine. My thoughts are often unfiltered when I write and I share what goes through my mind at the moment. When I go through treatments I know that there will be moments when I am tired. In those moments I focus on what did I accomplish that day. What little act am i grateful for and I want to publicly acknowledge. If I do not acknowledge you publicly, it is most likely because I know that not everyone wants public recognition and wants to stay in the background. Or Mel screened it and removed it. Remember that. It will not be my fault. We will blame Mel because she does not read this and will never know that she is the fall guy.
The chaos of our home as we transition during our renovation is easier to handle than waiting for test results. I highly recommend undergoing major medical treatments to get out of manual labour. I must confess that right now, there is some comfort in the unknown. Not knowing leaves the possibility that this is minor and a blip. It has not spread at all. Once all of the tests come in, then this journey starts for real. It will be harder to hide behind what if. The journey will be clear then. I need to make sure that I communicate things well. I am far more abrupt and short with my family. Mel says it is because they will still love me regardless. I do not disagree with the statement. I was teaching today and I am patient and will take the time to make sure that they learn. My kids and Mel are much more difficult for me to teach. All 3 of them try and anticipate where I am going or what I am saying. I struggle much more with them. I do not think that Mel and I would work well together for anything not personal. Our styles differ too much. We have disagreements with our home as our style clashes considerably. I am all about saving money by integrating all of the latest technology and gadgets, Mel prefers the days of yore when electricity does not exist. I want to get a bidet, while Mel has far more experience than me with an outhouse. This week I will be heading back about my PET and my CT. I am sure that if it is bad news one of my doctors will inform me quickly. Fingers crossed till the 29th.
Q