Lately I have refrained from using the wheelchair and I have been ok. I have managed to not be too tired, though when I am with Mel I tend to use it more. This morning I went to Food Basic by myself to get some things for dinner tonight as we did not have some staples that I wanted to make various things. We were having a simple dinner of hot dogs, but I wanted to make hot onions and Mel wanted a coleslaw as well. We had no more mayonnaise, nor fries. So I picked some up. We do have enough eggs that if I did not buy any I would have just made some homemade mayo. We have done that in the past when we have fun out of mayo. I did not struggle much with it, but while there I had to rush as I had to go home for a bathroom break. I have spent weeks determining which yard trimmer to get for Mel that she could use to trim the gas. Our Stihl model is a bit overkill as it was designed for commercial use and I got it primarily to cut brush through the trails for Mel’s dad and uncle to get to the Bay’s water camp. It is awesome for that, but it has a harness and large handles to use. I got Mel a smaller battery operated one that is easy to reload and use. I also got a leaf blower and when we told the kids some of the things we bought, Olivier asked if he could repurpose this one when we got another one. I had to point out that we did not even receive this leaf blower yet. I may assemble it later and go clean up the yard a bit to see how well it works. Xavier will have an easier time using this compared to the big Stihl version. By super time I had to take a nap before I started dinner though.
I have not had much issue eating throughout the weekend, but there are times where my stomach feels, not right. It is hard to describe what it is, it is just not a pleasant feeling. If I eat soft foods and things like that I do not have much issue. It may be due to the raw vegetables that I eat but I have not spent enough time figuring out what it is as it is not all of the time. I am starting to prepare for meals this week and bought some fava beans as well as a mix of fava/chick peas so I can make the lebanese dish foul. It is soft and I think that I will tolerate it well as it is delicious. I bought some heirloom tomatoes this morning as they looked nice and I will buy some mint and some nice lebanese pita bread and eat that. It is soft and easy enough to digest. I will also make sure that I have some congee for later this week. Xavier is still having some pain when eating with his front teeth. I made some crispy pork belly and want to make some Banh Mi sandwiches for Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday will be Lebanese foul, followed by congee on Friday. I will also supplement those meals with egg drop soup and miso soup. I am going to go buy some enoki mushrooms for a bit of texture and since they are small they are pretty easy to digest. I am going to see if this helps out.
Through out my career I know people who strived to be leaders because of the power associated with it, they were more interested in the power associted with the titles. What I believe are if you could lead without a title, then you are someone worth following. I always evaluated, is this someone that I would follow if they were not my direct linear one up. There are some people that I would change jobs for, but not for everyone that I have reported to. I first started in academia and I remember when I joined the lab that someone had made a comment to the lab manager who was my friend, that my addition was what the lab was missing as I was able to unite people. The impact that I had on the lab was I was able to connect with people in the lab and find common ground with everyone and be friendly with everyone. In high school it was similar, where my best friend and I were able to move through all of the different circles at the school. We were well liked enough that we got along with everyone. Yesterday when my friend had visited, we had discussed this a bit, where our lab was special because everyone got along well. Persinger lead the lab and he had a reputation for being mean, vicious and condescending but that was the public view of people who did not know him. He was quite caring and showed a different side within his research group. As he grew older I think he also became softer, but what Mel mentioned was that he was “quirky” and had some odd specific mannerisms. What it allowed though was for everyone to feel comfortable, because no matter what he would be accepting. She also recalled how he had shared a Diet Coke with her and she was adamant in telling him that she did not drink that stuff. He was her supervisor and she was doing some research on the impact of tea on memory and he had shared that she would need to share a drink with all of the participants and drink them to create that connection with them. This is when I started to unconsciously understand the impact of social capital and how shared experiences that seem meaningless help shapre further interactions. Later on Mel shared the story about when he had called her at the apartment for something trivial and tricked her into opening up. Mel was writing her Masters thesis at the University of Toronto and was finishing her dissertation. I was close with him I am sure that I had shared that she was struggling with some things. He came to the apartment to pick something up and she met him downstairs and he told her to get in the vehicle because he wanted to share something with her. Her explained to her that thesis advisors need to point out flaws or do something to show their worth that they are paying attention to things. They need to give some sort of guidance, so she had to take things with a grain of salt that her work was good and not to be discouraged by comments. He made her feel better and then sent her on her way.
Leaders set the tone and can influence how the team reacts to things. Teams that report to me rarely get flustered because I have extreme confidence in my abilities and rarely waver in my believe that the team can solve any problems. When issues come up we collectively work together to resolve the issues. You silently influence your team based on how you react to things. My kids do not thikn that cancer is much of an issue because Mel and I project that it is not a big deal. Even though a lot of people normally take time off work, I have not. My influence on the kids is that no matter what the illness is, you do not need to let it dictate your life. Xavier being older has embraced this a bit more than Olivier. He does not believe that there is anything that he can not accomplish. He understands that you need to give effort and try and that is the most important thing. Not the results, as they are sometimes out of your control. What we haved failed to influence is the concept of team work with the two brothers as sibling rivalry and brotherly harassment is stronger than our ability to convince them to get along. The only time I know that they will get along is when Mel is out of the picture and they know that I need assistance. Our family team always rallies around me to help me out without question.
Being part of Persinger’s lab and team helped teach me little lessons. When I was preparing for my PhD I left out gaps that I knew people would ask. I had prepared all of the material for that and knew the answers, but gave them an opportunity to provide me guidance. This is a lesson that I have shared with people that I have mentored. When you have a committee that is designed to help you out, give them the opportunity to do it. If you do not give them something concrete they may go off on a tangent and ask questions that do not make sense if they are not experts. I think that the biggest impact that I have had on my teams is giving them a different perspective and when I have been a leader or provided the opportunity to lead I have worked to change the way people think and to give them more confidence. The impact that my writing in my blog is that I am showing that even though I am going through cancer, I do not let it define me. I can manage to navigate my daily life by looking at things through a different lens and with the support of my community. I do not have to do this alone as I have a team always willing to help.
Quoc Hao