I keep on getting up at 3am, but this morning I did not feel great to eat so I just had one of my bedside snacks. It seems like clock work that I wake up at that time and most of the time I want to eat. Right now I feel over bloated so I think that is having an impact on my appetite a bit with less room in my abdomen. I have not had the bandages around the port for a while now and have noticed that I have a bit of a rash. Last time I started developing a rash from the tapes that they used repeatedly and earlier this year when I had sliced my finger and was using bandaids eventually a rash developed there as well. It is not immediate and starts approximately 1 or 2 days after I take off the bandages. This morning I was not really in the mood to eat and my throat felt a bit tighter. This feeling has gone away and I am looking forward to eating dinner later today.
Olivier is so loud. He woke me up this morning at 7am to tell me that his tablet was not charging, so I helped him resolve that. I have never seen someone who kept his device on the brink of dying so much. Complete opposite of Xavier who makes sure all of his gear is ready to go. We ended up starting the shaping of the baguettes in the morning. I told him to bring up the bread from the cold ferment and the size of the dough has doubled and filled the container. He realized that he did not like touching the dough once we started shaping and all.he wanted to do was score the bread. He started with preshaping a bit and then stopped. I then shaped the dough for the two loaves. With our ovens they are a bit smaller than your regular oven which prevents us from making longer loaves. I ended up making 2 loaves that were approximately 15inches long as they fit into our oven. The other issue is that fitting 3 on one rack was a bit tight so I ended up cooking two at a time. I have a baking steel as well as a baking stone so I could cook them both at once. The convection oven also helps to circulate the air. In order to generate steam I originally cook it without convection and pour in hot water into the preheated cast iron pan I have in the oven. This helps to generate steam rapidly which is critical to the first phase of cooking. After 10 minutes I remove the steam and turn on convection to help develop a crust. 15 minutes to build the crust results in a super thick crust so I tried 10 and 12. We will test out at supper which one we prefer. I make bread frequently so I was not too worried about how it was going to turn out. I reduced the hydration levels for this one to make it easier for Olivier and I will increase it next time.
I tried to nap several times during the day and not once did it work out. Olivier called out repeatedly. Mel tried as well and failed. Eventually I put on my headphones and managed to take a quick 20 minute nap. The first F1 race of the season is tonight at 11pm and I will watch that race. I tend to not sleep as well when Mel is not in bed with me. I have been going to bed way earlier than she has so we are not always there at the same time. She is a comforting source where I know that if something happens she will help me out. In the last there have been so many instances where I get up in the middle of the night and do not feel good. She slaps me and tells me not to be a suck and knocks me out. Super helpful. When she goes away for work on the odd occasion I know i do not always sleep well if I am not feeling well. She has been sleeping downstairs so I do not get sick so I have cranked up the temperature in the bedroom with space heaters. It is wonderful. She does not like sleeping in a sauna. She was not born in the jungle like me and can not handle sleeping in 28 degree rooms with long sleeve shirts and 8 blankets. Hopefully she is better soon and she can return to the bedroom.
We had to go buy some things for dinner tonight. I wanted to go to Costco to look for some iberico ham but Mel did not think they had any. She thinks the store is too large for me to navigate and that I might get too tired. She is not wrong, she may be right. We will see if I end up getting or renting an electric travel wheelchair. Mel thinks I can borrow one, but they are all massive and I just wanted a small portable one. I ended up going to Smith’s with Xavier in case something happened I would have backup. The trip was uneventful and we managed to buy some things for dinner. We did not get everything that I was looking for but it was good enough. I have purchased a device to thinly slice p’tit Basque cheese. I just need to see if my sister can find some in Toronto for me. It is relatively cheap from stores in Quebec and apparently Costco carries it at times. I will look for some when we do our Monday night costco run and if I find that and the iberico we can have this again next weekend.
I was doing some self reflection yesterday and realized that I am very systematic in the way that I approach everything. From the way that i write, work or coach there is a consistent pattern to it all. At its core it is analyze facts, determine against some analysis and then adapt. When I work I push people to defend their work by clearly articulating what the problem is, determine how we know it is a problem, tell me why I care and then next course of action. This applies to when I coach people. I want them to defend why they are doing something. I do not care if it is right or wrong, but own it and defend it. When I write about my treatments I remove emotion and lost everything as facts. I may incorporate how I feel, but it provides a resource for me to test out pattern recognition afterwards. I was watching a video and it showed a man walking with his child that was below 2 years old. They came up to a barrier and the man walked over it easily. He did not help his child but made him figure it out on his own. When he got stuck he helped him out and reset the problem forcing him to solve it on his own. This is something that we have tried to instill into the kids. Work out problems and solutions on your own. We will help provide support along the way but we expect you to solve it on your own. Depending on the task at hand each of the kids is very good at it, but they both struggle at other times. I think that both of our kids will gravitate towards leadership roles as they grow older. Olivier is loud and likes to be in control and Xavier is more controlled and likes to influence things in the background. They will both need to learn how to lead and have people follow them. This weekend has been quiet and I think I need this rest to recalibrate my system to better understand what I can or can not do. I will soon stop eating food I really enjoy and go into food maintenance mode so I do not associate the food with cancer. There is a lot of food that I currently have that association with and I am fine with those. Cream of wheat was a staple in my diet and I am going to bring it back. I am ok with not eating it after when I feel better.
Quoc Hao