It snowed last night and I am unable to shovel. There is a certain standard that I have maintained since we bought the house. The driveway is always pristine because I shovel it frequently to prevent our vehicles from slipping. Xavier always maintained the driveway when I could not, but with his hockey schedule it is difficult to do at times. He can not spend time shoveling and then go to practice if the snow is heavy. Mel knows how to use the snowblower but it is large and heavy. Xavier has used it in the past so hopefully they can figure it out. Xavier is excited for the snow though as he wants to go ski when he has the opportunity. He may need new boots and if he does at least Olivier can use his old boots.
We cleaned the basement today and by we I mean Mel and the boys. I was in a supervisory role and walked by a couple of times and said good job on the way to my office. Which incidentally they used for storage. We are getting rid of things and Mel cleaned the carpet in anticipation of us moving things around to get ready for the functional trainer and Smith machine. The kids threw out a lot of toys and broken things that they do not use anymore. Olivier wants to keep far more than Xavier does. But it took a while before Xavier was ready to get rid of things as well. Slowly more toys are leaving and the space is getting converted to older kids. There is enough open space right now for Olivier to play VR.
On the drive home yesterday we were talking to Xavier about how he played. I asked him why he was down on his knees when the shot was high. He replied that the shot was initially low and was then deflected high. From our vantage point in the stands it looked like he just misplayed it as he does go down quickly and works on that with his coach. Upon further review this morning he was right. The shot was deflected up and he was out of position. Regardless he did not blame the goal on the deflection and felt that it was stoppable. He just explained why he has dropped and looked like he was out of position. He read the shot and conditions changed and he did not recover. If he had performed the action without understanding what happened in the situation I think I would be more annoyed. In this instance he took accountability for his actions and did not blame his team or anything. The shot came from far enough out and the deflection was almost immediate that he should have been able to recover. A couple of other goals occurred where bad luck played a factor but he never blames his team or anyone else. Mel questioned him last night on how he plays. He is technically very sound and he makes things look effortless and during games she notices goalies diving all over the place and making a lot of desperation saves. She questioned his drive to battle for those types of movements as she said that he looks too robotic out there. We said that is the point, that desperation saves are not good and he actually has a high level of compete and not giving up on plays. He is just normally I position and does not dive around and is normally calm.
I know that Mel questions me a lot on when she sees me sitting in a chair in our bedroom and wonders what I am thinking. I make a lot of contingency plans in my head and play out different scenarios. I was sitting on the chair and had a serious look on my face and Mel was wondering what I was contemplating. I said I was trying to figure out dinner ideas that would generate school safe lunches. I had some ideas for dinner but they would not generate lunches so I was thinking of how to resolve it. This is what gives me anxiety when the unknown with my treatment comes up. I have not played through all different scenarios and do not have a game plan yet. When I have contingency plans for all the different options it becomes much easier for me and there is not more anxiety. Or at least reduced anxiety. I can then focus on the positive aspects of each one and determine how to reduce the negative aspects of them all. I can visualize a lot of this in my head, but forcing myself to write helps me to organize the thoughts internally. I do not always lay out all of the options, and will pick and choose what I want to share, but it helps provide me clarity. Xavier is similar in hockey. He commits to his actions and whether they are right or wrong he will reflect back and then think of how he could adjust. Being on a team that faces difficulties builds resilience for him in the future. When things do not go your way figure out what you need to do.
This week we need to figure out the game plan on whether I can go to Ottawa or not. If I can not then what are our options. It is the same for around the house. If I struggle to clean then, should we invest in a cleaning service to come clean the house every couple of weeks. Do we pay for a snow plow service. The issue with the snow plow service is that they do not do a good enough job to clean the driveway. Our driveway needs to be scraped to the interlocks to allow the van to drive up the sloped driveway into the garage. This is why I never wanted to get it in the past, but we may need to resort to it if I am too weak.
I have been lounging around this morning and did some household chores and a bit of work. It is helping with my recovery and I think that I need to keep my physical workload to less than 60 minutes a day and it is manageable. If I am doing a lot mentally like an 8 hour work day I need to limit it to 30 minutes. It is a fine balance that will change tomorrow. We will see how my body feels after day 1 of treatment tomorrow.
QHM