I tend to listen to music a lot and there are a lot of songs that trigger memories of different stages that happen. When I was first in the hospital there were some songs that I randomly listened to and now when I listen to them I am always reminded of my time in the hospital. A couple of summers agos during the summer for some reason we played a lot of baby metal. A Korean metal girl band. There was a lot of controversy around them and I listened to a couple of songs and liked them. Some how we lsitened to them in the vehicle and Xavier’s ring tone is actually one of their songs. For the last couple of days I have been hearing a lot of K-Pop songs and I do not mind it, but it has now been associated with my radiation treatment. Whenever I hear At the Drive In it reminds me of Harry Potter because I read all of the books one summer when we were visiting my family out in BC and that was what I was listening to that week. I am not sure how the algorithms work but I have been having a lot of the Baby Monster band playing. I do not mind it so i let it play. A couple of the kids that Xavier played with in the past had sisters who liked the Kpop bands and I was familiar with some of the bands but now I am going to talk to them about this to showcase my expertise.
My brother-in-law fixed our truck yesterday. I was getting use to acting like all of our doors has child locks. It is nice to have an operational door. I am grateful that we have someone that can do this in their sleep as opposed to me looking it up and figuring it out. Especially now where I am weak. Xavier had to swap out his blades yesterday and I tried to teach him how to do it. He is far stronger than I am right now but he struggled with it as it takes a bit of getting use to. I managed to get them out, but do not have the strength to really push them in, but managed to get it started and then he finished it off. He needs to learn how to do it as I think I will struggle with it once treatment starts.
We have still not started treatment and they are trying to expedite it but alas it has not started yet. The longer the delay the more likely it is that we will not be able to attend the Senators game when we go to Ottawa for the tournament. Mel might have to go ahead of me and she can go to the game and I will catch a flight into Ottawa. I am not sure if she will agree to that or not though.
My food intake has been doing well, but I have been eating carbs which tend to sit on my stomach longer. Interestingly enough, eating rice or rice noodles I can manage it much easier. Xavier loves eating Asian, but Olivier not as much. He enjoys it but not everyday like his brother. It makes sense though as Xavier looks far more Asian and is my size while Olivier is short and looks more mixed. Xavier could pass as full Asian and acts like it. He understands that A is average and B is failure. Olivier. Not so much. I think that my schedule for eating is more on point now and I have learned how to manage it better. There are certain food that I can eat and drink at the same time. Last night I asked my parents to make me some tofu and they asked me if I wanted red beans as well and I said I can not do both at the same time. It was too much. My dad still wants to make me tofu with egg and I told him no I do not like it. Hopefully they listen. I strongly dislike it when they try and sneak things into my food. With my food intake better under control I seem to be sleeping better and get up at 6am every morning which is my normal schedule. I am not as fatigued during the day. I think it is because there is no one here to nag me about doing things. I do not need to expend energy coming up with an excuse on why I did not do something. But when everyone is home, almost everyone will help me out with any request that I do have. Doing dishes and cooking does make me tired still though.
I think I have figured out the pace that I need to eat. I need to eat just enough that I am not full and then wait an hour and then I can repeat the process pretty consistently. The key is to think what is a good amount to eat right now and then eat half of that. By doing that I can control feeling full and do not need to worry about snitches in the house. I drove Xavier to hockey and then did some light grocery shopping before I came home. I am going to eat a quick snack before I head out again. Having shrimp in the house is fantastic for a quick snack. I use to eat cocktail shrimp with some cocktail sauce. Today I am going to eat some popcorn shrimp and then go watch a bit of hockey. When I come back I will eat some yogurt before bed. My goal is to be able to eat a whole burger by Christmas.
The trip to Ottawa on January 2nd is starting to look more complicated. If I do not start by Thursday then I might be in treatment at that time and will miss going. I told Mel that I can fly in after my treatment but she seems to not think that is a great idea. Hopefully we can figure that out soon enough. It will also take me a week to figure out how bad it will be and then extrapolate what the end result will be. If I do not go then I would be home alone and Mel would not want that either. So the options would be have my mother stay here with me which is quite stressful. She is not a very good nurse. She tends to not listen to me very much or my requests. The other option is for Xavier to go with the grandparents and then we might join up later if things are ok. I think that I can travel fine. I could rent a limo to take me in luxury. I am not even sure if Mel has calculated the days properly for 25 days. Hopefully we will know soon enough and we can make those plans.
Q