I have been sleeping much better now. Mel was out with friends until the wee hours of the night and returned home at 2am. I had to get up to drive Xavier to hockey at 6am and slept the night except for Mel waking me up briefly as she came home. Food intake has been much better except today was a bit off as I went out came home, ate something and then took a nap. We started to move things back into the kitchen and we are getting rid of some things that we no longer need. Mel had a bunch of clear glass plates that she loved for some reason and we are getting rid of them now. I was never fond of them as visually when you plate food on them they are not super nice.
For the last while I have been debating what brand of stainless steel pans and dishes I wanted. Costco had a nice set of All-Clad D5 for a good price or I could pick and choose exactly which ones I wanted from a company called Made In. I bought the Made In because it was considerably cheaper for performance that is about the same. Within the set there were pieces that I did not care if I wanted or not, so I got to pick and choose what we wanted for a cheaper price. As we were cleaning and moving things from downstairs back upstairs the kids were bickering about things. We made them sit across from each other and they had to each say 3 things they appreciated about the other. Xavier did it easily but Olivier struggled. Mel explained that it was important to have a positive mindset and used me as an example of how I wrote about gratitude daily. She also mentioned how every thing that I am going through is quite difficult but except for a couple of occasions I have made it look easy and do not let it impact me. Since Olivier had struggled to find something nice to say about his brother we are starting a gratitude ritual where once a weekend, we will all sit down and you need to say something positive about each person. Xavier was creative and had said that he appreciates his brothers creativity and artistic prowess. Olivier said he appreciates that Xavier said something nice about him. We told him that was not acceptable and he had to say something else. After 45 minutes and suggestions he went with his brother was a good goalie. He said it was difficult to think of something nice to say about his brother. I think the fact that he thinks it is hard is a great learning experience for him. He needs to shift his focus from negativity to positive thoughts. Last night while Mel and I were talking she asked me to say something positive and when I am tired and exhausted it is difficult for me to think and I could not think of anything. Writing forces me to organize my thoughts and write things down. Even if I am tired I can usually come up with a bit of words. The Las Vegas F1 race is at 11pm tonight so I will most likely take a nap so I can stay up for the race this evening.
I have a lot of gratitude for all of the work that Mel does around the house. Last night she said she needed a night for herself where she did not have to worry about me or the kids. She said not to call her unless we absolutely had to. One thing she warned me about was not making any bad decisions that would result in her having to come home. I am pretty good in knowing what my limits are and can normally stay within them. I am grateful for all of the assistance that both boys have provided when asked. Xavier never complains when i ask him to do something. Olivier normally does not either unless it has to do with his brother. I am grateful for Olivier’s love of food and his willingness to experiment and try new things, even when at times it does not work out so well.
I am grateful for all of the assistance I get from the hospital with everyone genuinely trying to make my life easier. Our healthcare system is overworked and I am grateful that everyone looks out for me so I do not slip through the cracks. I love all of my friends that send me positive messages throughour all of this and reach out to tell me that they have read my posts and are thinking of me. It still amuses me how many people read it daily and follow it, considering how lengthy some posts are.
I spent some time doing work this evening and when I work, I think I burn more energy as it makes me feel like I can eat more. When I do not work I tend to eat less. The issue though is I need to remember to eat in order to maintain my weight. Radiation treatment is going to make things a bit more difficult. The last time eating was hard as my throat burned every time I swallowed and I did not want to eat. It was so bad that my diet was primarily protein shakes as that was all I could keep down. That is what led to my rapid weight loss. This time I think I can handle it more if I watch what I eat. So far I have slacked off a bit today but I think I can get 2 and maybe 3 more food intakes in before I go to bed. I think I should be able to sleep through the night again and hopefully I will hear back on Monday about when I start treatment. 25 days will go by in a flash. Now that we have more clarity on the future steps I can start my preparation mentally and physically to endure it. Something that I am constantly reminded of is that I do not need to do this on my own and I have a lot of help. I think that I will be capable of driving myself to and from my appointments, so that is nice. Xavier has hockey for 2 hrs next Friday in Capreol on the PA day, so I need to make sure that I have energy to do that otherwise I will need to make arrangements for transportation for him. When we agreed to allow him to go we had not heard back yet about the treatment plan nor the biopsy. If things go well I will be able to watch him, otherwise we will figure that out next week once I know the treatment schedule.
QHM