This is my fourth day home from the hospital and I am starting to feel better. I am still annoyed that there is so much that I still can not do. Everyone says that this is expected as I have had major surgery. That is true, but I do not have to like it. I had had a headache the last few days but I suspect it is weather related as Xavier is not feeling well either with a migraine and we made him stay home from school, even though he did not want to miss school. The backsplashes are in and the kitchen is starting to take shape. More things are arriving next week. I honestly do not know how I managed to work the first time I went through this, I feel like crap right now but wanted to get some things done today. It seems that my vision is what is making me tired rigth not, trying to focus on words. It makes me a bit nauseous. I am not sure if it is because of my headache or my recovery at the moment though.
Every day is a bit better of a progress. Last night I slept for 5 hours straight and got up because I had to go pee. I only got up afterwards because of Mel’s alarm went off. I have been eating primarily soft foods lateley and have been able to eat more solid food but it is a bit difficult. I am worried about pushing it too much. I think I am fearful of throwing up because those contractions on my stomach are going to be painful, so I have opted for being safe and not pushing it so much. Besides the headaches, I am not as tired today and have not spent most of the day sleeping. I am cognizant of the work that I can do because my memory and thinking is shot right now and I can not do things as fast or as easily as I normally can. It is like my head is foggy when normally there is a lot of clarity. I need to push myself, but I have to do it in a controlled manner and not too much.
I appreciate the care that everyone has provided. To meals being delivered to the house, flowers and gift baskets. It takes a lot of pressure off of me as I do not have to do any of the cooking. I am not sure if I would be able to at the moment to tell you the truth. Last night we had to swap out Xavier’s skate blades and I walked them through it. Mel managed to be able to do it for him. Xavier does not have the grip strength to compress one of the buttons fully while pulling out the blade.
I am not getting as fatigued during the day but still need to take some naps, just not as many. Mel reminds me of me helping her out and doing all of this for her when she was recovering from the C section. In my head I did not feel that my assistance with her was very noteworthy. It was the expectation that since she was unwell and could not do things that I would take it over with no questions asked. I did not care if it inconvenienced me because I just wanted to make sure that she was comfortable. I was talking to a friend this morning and Mel was telling him that I was upset that I was no longer superman and could not take care of everything. Mel made the comment that I am doing things well, just not at the standard that I want and that it was ok. She was right as I did not want to seem as a burden. But in a partnership sometimes the other person has to carry a bit more weight. I am the eldest child and have always had the expectation that I would be the responsible one and that I would take care of the parents afterwards. That is the traditional Asian household. When I can not do it, it bothers me, especially when I think i should be able to overcome this quickly. I have barely worn my glasses for the last week and it seems to be putting less strain on my eyes. On Monday I would like to try and get back to a more regular work schedule as doing nothing all day is not making me feel very well. Each day is getting better and better. It is just not at the pace that I would prefer.
Q