I have been dropping weight lately, but it is much slower than before I think. It is a bit concerning because I do not really have much room to lose more weight. I have been throwing up more, and Mel is concerned about it, but it seems that right after I eat I need to be cognizant of what I do or how much I move. The upside though is primarily mucous and not a lot of food. I am not sure why there is so much mucous production and I am not going to look it up to see if it is an issue with anything or not. I have gone back to not sleeping well and managed interrupted sleep again though it is not too bad. I get up at 3am, and it takes me about 30 minutes to fall back asleep and then I will be back up around 5:00 and then I have a hard time falling back asleep. Luckily I do not seem too tired during the day as long as I am active, as soon as I have a bit of down time then I feel tired again. When I am standing up and walking around then I do not notice the lump growing in my belly button, but as soon as I lie down then I can perceive it. If I get the radiation then at least I will visibly be able to see if it is having an impact or not as it should in theory shrink during treatment, and if it does not then it would be a clear sign that the treatment is not effective. I still have not heard anything from my surgeon which would suggest that he does not want to perform surgery at all.
Tomorrow I have my appointment to get the crown placed on and hopefully it will all go smoothly and I will be able to chew on one side of my mouth. I think that this is the last procedure that I will have prior to treatment. I am assuming that at some point tomorrow I am going to hear from a doctor on what my treatment is going to be. I am not sure if I had mentioned this before but they are saying that instead of the 25 days of radiation and chemo that this will only be 5 days of treatment. I am not sure what dictates how much radiation you get, but this is also in a different location. Mel just called me and she mentioned that it stresses her out that I feel that it seems to be getting bigger. The doctor had mentioned that it may have been there since 2021, but we do not really know what triggered it to start growing now all of a sudden. She feels a bit alone with this right now, and I try not to think of it much. When I do think about it, then I wonder if it has spread, growing somewhere else or if it is getting worse. I try to distract myself with work and other things, so I have no intention of stopping work while going through this. Visualization is important and she suggested that we visualize it getting smaller together. I said no, that I do it right before I am going to bed and then I fall asleep. Mel does it prior to bed as well. I honestly do not necessarily want to try and do something like that together as my mind focuses on it too much and I am not sure how I feel about giving it that sort of attention. For most of the day I go through everything without too much thought about it, but I understand that she is getting more anxious as time progresses and we do not have any definitive actions as of yet. We have backup contingency plans in place, but the primary method of dealing with this has not been chose as of yet, nor has anyone agreed to do a localized surgery on it.
I think that it does not help that there are some slight delays to things with the renovations. The doors we have and what she wanted are not the same. We will need to pay for a restocking fee as well as shipping to get a refund on what we have, but she is going to do this. Our counters are not going to be measured until next week now when last week they said they would do it this week. Understandably Mel is having a rough day. Yesterday I had a rough day as well and I think that she is getting a bit overwhelmed with things as she is trying to do everything and not try and ask too much of me. Once we have a gameplan for tomorrow I think things will be much better.
On the bright side, Xavier finalized the design for his goalie mask and he loves the way it looks. We should be getting the mask by the end of next week. Perhaps if we get lucky we can get it this week. With all of the bad luck Mel has had, Xavier is bound for some good luck is he not?
Q