I still have not heard back about my PET scan. I can see how easily it can get lost within the system and how difficult this is to navigate. I am lucky because I can get information through people that I know. A lot of people would struggle not knowing what the status of things are. My chest CT scan has been read and now they are waiting for the abdomen to be looked at and then there should be a report written. I get phone calls from people I know at the hospital and I always expect the worse. That they are going to share some bad news with me. It is possible that if my family doctor calls that it is not bad news. But right now that is what I expect. When they talk I feel dread about some of the news and misinterpret what they say. It is not in my nature to be pessimistic but I am bracing for the reality of it. Plan for the worse and hope for the best. I have tried to get use to some of the drinks and food that is going to sustain me during treatment. Avoid anything you like and just eat whatever you can keep down. If you have never had gruel, highly recommend. Delicious. It is an interesting balance though to make sure you eat and try and enjoy what you are eating knowing that the long term effects may possibly be aversion to that food. I drank clamato juice a lot because it had calories. I can still drink that now luckily. Soon my life will be very regimented and I will set timers for all of my actions as reminders.
I was looking at the calendar for next week and Mel has taken the day off on Monday. We will be returning from the tournament and she will be tired. Prior to our appointment Mel has in her calendar to prepare questions to ask Linford. Me, being the typical guy will not necessarily ask questions. Or maybe other guys do. I have not attended many medical appointments with my close male friends. I know that it is something that I do not do. I can ask and see so many questions in other situations, but in that instance when I am at the center and talking with the doctor it is difficult to absorb all the info. It does not matter if it is good or bad news, during these moments I can not see beyond the immediate. Luckily I have Mel there to ask those questions for me. I should recruit my friends to come along. When the doctor or nurses ask why I am bringing them I can tell them they are my translator. Or my support person. I feel more important if I say translator as opposed to support person. Mel is aware that I do not ask questions or will gloss over details. To me it does not seem important to tell the doctor that every 7th step that I take when I walk I like to skip. But Mel will point that out as a cognitive defect. I just think that you should be happy and toss in a skip every now and then because you have so much joy inside that you can not hold it in.
I have been skipping a lot of meetings that I do not necessarily have to attend lately. In meetings today I was interrupted several times and had to take calls from various people. I was lucky as the meetings were with people where it did not matter much. The days go by so fast. And when I think back a week, it seems like such a distant memory. It has only been 2 weeks but it feels like a lifetime right now. At work I am focusing on high level systems and developing my teammates so that they can understand the big picture of my leadership style. They can hopefully understand why I do things a certain way and the coaching I provide to individuals. To me it is rewarding to see the growth in people and see them develop and expand their knowledge. One of the people that I provide mentorship gets super excited to interact with me and looks forward to it. It is my belief that if someone does not learn it is the fault of the teacher. They have not been able to reach that person and get them to understand. Of course there are always exceptions to this, but if someone is actively trying to learn and failing, it is the responsibility of the teacher to adapt their style. A lesson that I learned is that no matter how brilliant you may think you are, if you can not simplify it so anyone can understand it, you are not a true expert.
We are in the closing stages now of the opening game of my cancer treatment and will be starting the middle game soon. I am not sure how strong of an opening we have created so far. It seems that I am playing the game blindfolded while my opponent knows all of my moves. In less than a week hopefully the board will become clear enough to know whether we have set ourselves up to quickly win this battle.
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