When my father was young he could only attend school by getting scholarships. My parents had very high expectations for my sister and myself. I am sure that my sister lived up to their standards while I was adequate. Luckily by the time my brother came around the standard was not as strict. They just wanted him to try his best and if he did not get perfect on things it was acceptable. We did not hold that against him that he had lower standards. Going through school I had a reputation for being bright as did my sister, so a lot of the teachers knew us. My brother had to live up to the standards that we had set and I am sure that it was not easy for him. Growing up as my younger brother I am sure that it was not easy. We teased and tortured him as older brothers are prone to do. Some of the phobias he developed I am sure were due to his older brother and friends.
One thing that we did bond over is playing video games. We spent a lot of time playing video games and the way that we played certain games is very similar. A lot of time was spent on some games grinding and making sure that we could easily beat the game. Grinding is basically doing the same repetitious actions over and over to increase the level of the characters. When I watch Xavier play video games, he tries to finish it quickly and may die several times. My brother and I did not die and would take much much longer to finish the game by being careful. I have fond memories of all the different video games we played together. As he got older if I ever needed something he would run out and get it for me. I am sure that I abused it at some point and got him to pick me up random things. He would always do it without complaint. Once in a while he will travel down to Toronto for shopping and pick things up. There was a period where I was finding it difficult to eat food or drink but a very specific type of coconut drink was working ok. You can not find it in Sudbury, so he traveled to Toronto with his significant other and purchased a lot of things for me. I appreciate the gesture and it was very nice of him. That was one trait of his that was fantastic, he would always help out others. Growing up he spent a lot of time doing volunteer work with various organizations. Now he spends it helping us out.
I appreciate the connection that he has with my kids. The kids will call him up and ask him to come over to play video games or they will chat with him on the phone while they play games together. He will buy the games the kids play to help them and do things in the background to assist them and then give special things to them. For example in Pokemon it takes a bit of effort to level up characters, so he will trade with them and increase the levels for them so that they do not need to spend the time doing it. It is cute when the kids call him for advice or help in video games or they do video calls with him to play. Through this journey he has helped out by looking after the kids when we need help. He will feed them and hang out playing games with them. They enjoy going to his house and hanging out there. He does not have toys or anything and I am not sure exactly what they do, but the kids enjoy it. He has asked if they wanted to sleep over but it has not occurred yet. The kids have semi-private swimming lessons every week, but one of the requirements is that each kid has a parent in the pool with them. I can not go in the water right now so he goes with Melanie and the kids every week. We appreciate it as it is difficult to find someone who can consistently go do this. I am sure that if I asked friends that they would help out, but the kids are comfortable with him and enjoy spending time with him. There are occasions where they would call him everyday to chat or he would show up at the house unexpectedly because the kids asked him to come over. Normally someone would tell us, but on occasion we would only find out when he arrives. It is appreciated though since it allows us to do housework or go run errands.
This year has been interesting because every month we add a new wrinkle to the adventure. I have grown up surrounded by help from others. The support system that I have makes this journey much easier. The kindness of others is something that I have experienced since I was born. I have a positive outlook on life and have an attitude that I can overcome anything because whenever I have been faced with a situation that is difficult or I do not think I can overcome, I have someone who will always step up to fill in the gap. After the brain surgery I feel so much better now that I do not understand why I did not notice the changes and do something earlier. Melanie and I check things out much more thoroughly now and at the first sign of an issue we try and do something about it. We are longer foolish about it. It is easy to miss because it was so gradual, but we are cognizant of how quickly this can sneak up on you.
Reading on the forums and talking to some other people with cancer, when people are going through rough times, their support system crumbles. Every time I face difficulties it seems more that people rally around me and support me more. I greatly appreciate the love and support from everyone. When I look back at my life, I have had numerous challenges that I had to overcome. If my parents felt sad for themselves or saw themselves as victims I do not think we would have survived. In these instances they did not worry about how bad or difficult the situation was. The thought was how do we survive and get through the hand we were dealt. There was never an instance of feeling sorry for yourself or worrying what others had. This journey with cancer is the same thing. It is not an optimal situation, but I do not spend time worrying about why it occurred or how bad things may be. I focus on how awesome it is to have so many people who are kind and want to help me out. I focus on how can we keep the kids lives as normal as possible and give them positive experiences. We focus as a family on experiences that are positive and try and teach them that you always give back when you can. It does not always need to be financial support. Sometimes it is emotional, share experiences or helping people out with knowledge. I still find it amusing when my dad tells me that I should not work and that he will pay the bills for me. I am not sure he understands how much frivolous purchases we make or how we randomly donate to causes we think worthy. I do appreciate the gesture though. They do not have much, as they spent their whole lives saving all of their money and only spending on their children. They are in a comfortable situation now, but their first thought was how do I help out my kids. No matter how bad things are, if you can help out others, you do it. I have great gratitude that I have siblings that I am close to and whom will help out in whatever way they can whenever they can. Family is something that is important to Melanie and myself. I am very lucky that we are close to both sides of the family and that both sides get along well.
Quoc Hao