I had dinner at my parents house today and I was looking at some goalie equipment. My mother asked me how did I manage to get equipment to play. She only remembers buying a couple pieces of equipment for me. I paid for some of the stuff myself and purchased the cheapest stuff I could find because I was a kid and had to save money for equipment. I tend to buy Xavier whatever he wants because my parents could not afford to buy me things. My mom apologized for not being able to buy me equipment when I was younger, but I do not care. It was not a priority and considering where we started and where they are now financially, they made all the right decisions and did not waste money on frivolous things. Sports are a nice to have and not a necessity in life. I am pretty sure I would have made the NHL if they would have only invested thousands of dollars a year into my hockey career. It is not like it is hard to make it to the NHL. Considering that we came here with no money and nothing, we lived a middle class lifestyle and I can very grateful for my parents for everything that they provided us. I received guidance in life and unconditional love from them. That is the most important thing for development.
There were many times where she was not allowed to go out and do things and she was suppose to follow me around as I was in charge. I am pretty sure I was neglectful and ignored her while she came around with my friends and myself. Being a child I imagine I was self-centered and did the bare minimum to keep an eye on my sister. I do not remember playing much with her or interacting much with her as a kid, but I do remember her following me and my friends around for Halloween. Coming over as immigrants my parents did not hold much importance to Halloween and we had the same costume forever. It was just a mask. My sister had a Tinkerbell mask and I had an X-wing pilot one. It did not matter how much we asked, that was our Halloween costume, because it was cost effective. My parents were all about saving money. We knew we did not have much money and we did not put up too much of a fight growing up.
Growing up there was a double standard in our house. My sister had to play by different rules. It was not necessarily fair, but my parents were traditional in that sense. It is a bit interesting because for some things they are extremely open minded, but for some things they hold very traditional views. My parents tried to avoid gossip and did very little bragging about our accomplishments. They expected perfection from us, but they did not care what others thought of us. Growing up my sister had far more restrictions because she was a girl. She was not permitted to stay out as late or do things that I was allowed to. I tried to help her and would argue for her, but it would not always work. Her work ethic was incredible and put mine to shame. I tried to get by on natural talent and would work just hard enough to get by and hit the minimum standards set by my parents. My sister would make sure that there was no doubt. At an early age I would learn to not show my report card to my parents if she showed her first. There were numerous occasions where I did not show my report card to my parents and not bring it back to the teacher signed. They never thought much of it since I always did well in school they would not think that I was hiding my grades. The thing is she finished courses at or above 100 consistently. When you score a mid-90 average and she scores a high-90, you get questioned on why your marks are not like hers. She won the Governor General Bronze medal in high school for highest grades in the graduating class. During the award ceremony she won a ridiculous amount of things. I regret not attending her graduation. I can not remember why I did not, but I am pretty sure I was not in the city.
She and I did not get really close until she moved away for a course. It involved her living on her own and she would often call me when she was walking home. We would take for 30 minutes to an hour every time she walked and our bond deepened. As my little sister, it did not matter what I was doing, if she called I would make sure I spoke with her on her walk home. The funny thing is that she is pretty tough and she can take care of herself. The routine though was she would call me on her way home and I tried to be always available for her. In University I had a couple of courses with her and she made fantastic study notes. When she was done and went to bed she would share her notes with me and I would use those to study. I did quite well in those classes because of her notes.
Looking back, even though we did not have much money I still have quite a few fond memories. My parents gave us experiences and made sure we were taken care of. My sister and I were held to very high academic standards growing up. I have gratitude for the lessons taught to me by my parents. I have gratitude for the relationship that I have with my sister even though we fought and argued a lot growing up, which is typical of siblings.
When my sister found out about my cancer she offered to move back to help out Mel with the kids. I really appreciated the gesture as it would have been a huge change. We did not take her up on the offer, but it is nice to know that family will drop things to come help out if required. When Covid-19 hit, she would teach our kids remotely and she is a saint. I am not sure how she connected with the kids, but they succeeded because of her. I do not know if I would have the patience to teach with Olivier who has a fleeting attention span. When she visited prior she would do things with the kids that Mel and I would not have the patience for. She cooked and did crafts with the kids that were messy. She let them cut with a sharp knife and would talk them through the process while guiding them. They responded well to her teaching and style. Complex Lego and puzzles were left with her to work through with the kids because they enjoyed doing it with her. At times she would take them shopping at Toys’r’us and let them buy a gift. The interesting thing was Xavier is very practical and is not greedy. If she said I will buy you one thing, he may choose something that costs $5. She would let him buy additional things, but he refused, because it was 1 thing. It did not matter to him that the one thing he chose was cheap. He would be content. Olivier is a different story. Give him the option and he will buy everything.
I love my sister. For who she is, and for what she has given back. From our roots in Vietnam to where we are now. There is a lot that we accomplished, where looking back it has been quite the journey to get to where we are. She has provided a nurturing environment to the kids and has helped a lot with their development and growth. Tomorrow I will write about my brother and my gratitude towards him.
Quoc Hao