Growing up I was lucky that a lot of things came easy for me. As a child I did well in school without much effort and that hurt me in some ways where I would rely on natural talent and did not spend as much time working hard. My sister on the other hand had a ridiculous work ethic. She was super bright and always strived to be better. She won the Governor General Bronze medal in high school. I stopped trying to compete against her when we were in elementary school as she would come home with a near perfect 99% average year after year after year. The problem as I stated before was I needed someone to help me out a bit and get me to do work. If I had to help someone then I would make sure I knew the material well enough to teach them. My closest friend was brilliant so we got by a lot of natural talent. I did not care whether I got the highest mark or not most of the time. I tried hard enough to do well but would not put in the extra effort to be the best.
Generally now I remain calm in situations because I have believe in myself and my abilities. When I do get a bit frazzled it causes some more panic around me. In my graduate statistics class the professor use to go around the table asking questions to test us. He went around the table and if you got the question wrong it went on to the next person. I rarely got the question wrong but when it did the ripple effect was amusing. At the beginning of the year a person that I had known passingly and who did not have a very positive image of me came into the class and the only seat available was the one next to me. She did not like me because she thought I was quite arrogant and full of myself. I noticed that she had some trouble following the style of the professor and made sure to help her out. Since we spent so much time in class together and going over the statistics she realized that I could be nice on occasion. She helped me out since I had to make sure I knew the material really well in order to make sure she could excel. Over the course of the year we became close friends and remained close throughout graduate school. As this friend of mine sat beside me, she would then be expected to answer after I got the answer wrong. She rarely got it right afterwards, but I think it was more of the fact that I got it wrong that shocked her as opposed to her not knowing the answer. People in my class did not expect me to get the answer wrong, so it would end up going all the way back to me. There was once or twice where I would get the answer wrong a second time and then someone would repeat the answer I originally gave. He would accept that answer. When I asked him about it after class he would laugh and say he had higher expectations for me. The answer was acceptable for everyone else, but not for me.
When Mel and I got married, we had taken dance classes at the University of Toronto while we were graduate students. We did our own dance choreography for our wedding dance. If you have ever danced with Mel, she sucks at following someone else’s lead. Our dance instructor mentioned to her repeatedly to follow her partner’s lead. She did not. It made the dancing a bit trickier to learn and to get right but we practiced in private with the assistance of friends who lent us large enough space to practice. The day of our wedding, my friends were making fun of me while dancing because they never saw me with such a look of concentration while dancing. Normally I was calm and did not show any signs of stress, so they found this so amusing. I had to tell them afterwards that I was trying to calculate the next moves in the space while trying to make sure Melanie followed my lead. During the dancing I remember Melanie telling me repeatedly to smile. I can not remember if I did or not. There is a video of us dancing and I will try and find it and provide a link to it if I can.
I love my work at my current company. I have a great team and the leadership above me are supportive enough if they can be demanding at times. My co-workers are surprised when I say that this job is fun and I find it stress free. The reason why I find it stress free was because academia was anything but. People compete with each other and may maliciously backstab you for funding of their own. If you missed out on funding it could impact you for the next year. When I was thinking of going back to the University after the hospital I was told not to take a job there. It was interesting that at work we are going through some training and some of the concepts are about captain or captive mentality. It is along the lines of do you take charge of your life, or do you have a victim mentality. Through most of my life I like to think I have the mentality to take control of my life instead of being a victim. This journey is something that I had brought up. When you look at cases where people have the victim mentality the outlook is not as favorable. A case in point is that everyone says you need to be your own advocate, and if you are not then the journey is much more difficult. I see this as a test of resiliency and it is a life experience.
Quoc Hao