February 3rd – This is the song that never ends

Yesterday was the first time Mel read the latest round of my blog. Within 30 minutes of me posting it yesterday I started to received text messages with well wishes. Mel started getting them as well, and she knew right away that I had posted on my blog about it. Curious, she actually went to read it. Her first comments to me was that it was inaccurate. She told me of some mistakes I had written. I am glad that she is channeling being a proper Asian parent. Highlighting the mistakes first and disregarding everything else.  She correctly indicated that I had written that the cancer was in the stomach lining once, even though it was correct for the majority and it is in the abdomen lining. My sister noticed as well, but she is Asian so that was completely expected. Mel is just cosplaying it walking around the house in her bathrobe. She does wear slippers though, Birkenstocks or Viking. They are solid and I think she just needs to work on using that as a projectile weapon and she will be a proper Asian mom.

A shout out to my sister’s friends who read this post. I am not sure if I know all of them, just some of them but I must confess that they are pretty damn awesome. When they read the post yesterday they told my sister that they should start a GoFundMe to help out with things. My sister told them that they do not have to. I agree. There are so many people that are in worse situations than I am that are struggling. We are not currently in a situation where we are struggling to afford any sort of treatment and I feel that I am taking advantage of the generosity and good will of others. When I told my eldest friend about what they wanted to do, he thought of a fundraiser where my friends run hurdles. It would be a debacle and would be awesome to test out the healthcare system with all of the injuries. My preference would be a fundraiser for everyone else that struggles to make ends meet while they go through this. I am able to work through this all so we are in a fine situation. Of course a lot of people do not think that I should, but it helps to keep my mind off of things. If I stop working then we may be in a situation, but luckily my support system will take care of us and of Mel.

Yesterday was a bit of a dreadful day and in the afternoon I ended up vomiting. For most of the day I did not feel great. Apparently it was expected considering the news and Mel told me that she did not feel well either. It is interesting the impact that perspective and outlook have on things. For most of the afternoon I had people reaching out to me, or trying to call me. I was not really in the mood to talk in the afternoon as I was on the verge of throwing up for most of it. I talked briefly with some people, but for the most part I avoided it. People tried to call Mel and she did not answer as she was not really ready to share anything. I had people show me or send me alternate treatment options and everyone who does this always tells me to not worry about being able to afford the treatment. I said that I do not even know much of what I have so I am not ready to talk to people about any of it. Once I started to look into this more it actually made me feel better. Now this might seem very odd and perplexing and you may not see how this is good news, but the 5 year survival rate for this is 25% with the median prognosis of 4 to 6 months. The primary reason why this is so devastating is because of the issues with digestion. The impact is on ability to eat and get nutrients will lead to other complications. When I see these numbers I think that they are great odds. They are similar to what I went through the first time. This is the third type of cancer that I have had with such abysmal survival odds. What it means is that even though it is stage IV and it is not curable, people survive. They do not die within months. If you think that you can not eat then you will struggle. I struggle to eat at times, but not all of the time. I know that the ascites are building up, but my abdomen is not extending out and I have not gained a crazy amount of weight. The window that I have to be comfortable and not throw up is just tighter now. Survival relies on understanding the current limitations and operating within it. Simple.

I am grateful for everyone who has reached out and offered me help. I am grateful for all of people who sit in the background, sending positive thoughts and prayers. It always surprises me how many people have invested their time in checking my progress daily, whether they skim the contents quickly or make it a part of their routine. I know that regardless of what happens that if I struggle, I have so many people that will help support either myself or Mel. If you try and call either Mel or myself and we do not answer, it is most likely because we are in the middle of a dance and we can not break our routine to answer the phone. Maybe Mel will read another blog like she did previously. She actually has the ability to make her own posts and had thought about it before when I was making fun of her for things that spark joy. 

I would like to thank everyone who is on this journey with me. Things will be great. I understand things better now so it will be easier to fight through this. I can visualize reduction of liquid in my abdomen and the reduction of nodules on the lining of the abdomen. As long as you believe you can make it happen.

Quoc Hao