Tomorrow morning my day starts at 6am, where I wake up and drive Xavier to hockey at 7am. He has a practice with someone who needed a goalie for their private session, followed by his school hockey and then a controlled scrimmage at night. I normally go grab his equipment for him so he does not need to take it to school, but tomorrow I will be at HSN and we will see what the options for my treatment will be. The tumour board was yesterday and I did not want to harass anyone as I am going to be talking to someone in the morning. I can be patient for a day. Since I have not been sleeping well this works out well for me. This evening Xavier had training close by while we were having our vent installed. I helped out as best as I could, but I did not do much. I am grateful for everyone that has helped out with the renovations. Even if I was not going through cancer treatment and if I was at 100% health I would not be able to do this to the precision that is being done for us now. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses and when you have a strong support system you can lean on the community to help out with things. Mel made a comment that she was struggling to see how we could change things up when we first decided to perhaps do renovations years ago. But our family friend who did it immediately saw what to do and how to execute it. In his eyes it was simple. At work people ask for me to help them visual system information. As soon as they tell me what they want to do it is very easy and clear to me what our options are. An old friend of mine had a family that was very strong with home renovations and I remember that someone in their family bought a house and did not like the stair placement and in their eyes that was a simple fix.
I think that throughout everything, you need to play to your strengths and when you see gaps, you need to be aware of them and work to close them. I know that I will not ask relevant or meaningful questions when I talk to a doctor, so Mel makes sure that she comes along. If Mel could not come along, it may be in my best interest to bring along one of my friends that actually work at the cancer center. They would be far more in tune with what Mel would want to know. I am not sure if it is because I do not know what to ask or I do not care. No matter what they tell me it will not change my approach to things, so in my mind it does not matter. My perception is that I will beat it regardless of what you tell me, so all of the details are minor. Mel rightfully acknowledges that more information is better and she will advocate for me. She is a good foil for me, pragmatic when I am carefree and I bring out her confidence to blindly move forward in uncertainty. Her cousins and I nicknamed her “No-Fun” Mel because she was the one who always looked at the big picture and tried to determine whether we should do it or not. On occasion I would convince her to dare to dream and we would have a lot of fun. Random spur of the moment road trips were not out of character for me, and she would get caught up in the randomness and jump on board, to hell with what may come. I think that is why this hits home harder though. This journey is different. In times like this, the unknown is not something that we can laugh or run away from. We need to be prepared to know what we are fighting against. Mel will be by my side tomorrow asking those questions and building the scaffolding so that we can move forward together and overcome these challenges. In times like this, I am grateful for everything she has already done for me, and all that she still will. I can see how serious illnesses tear families apart with the pressure. When everything feels uncertain, the one thing I can count on is us. Mel and I have faced every challenge by moving forward together, each bringing what the other lacks. Whatever the outcome tomorrow, we will face it side by side, and that will always be enough.
Quoc Hao