When you can no longer do something easily you start to take things for granted. An example is the act of getting up out of bed. For the last week I have been sleeping with the bed in a fairly upright position so it is not too as difficult for me to move in and out. It took till Saturday till I was able to get out of bed on my own without any assistance. I remember when I was in the hospital it was tough getting up on my own, I would put the bed as upright as I could and then push myself sideways and then out. Mel never worked as a PSW but she was in charge of a group home that had to care for people so she has learned what needs to be done. Last night I put the bed into an almost level state and this morning it was difficult getting up out of bed on my own. Tonight I am going to try it flat and i know that in the morning that I will struggle getting up. Activation of your core muscles is so easy to overlook when something comes natural. There are a lot of things that I do that come easily to me and I should refrain from saying to others, it is easy. This is something that I should have always known, but I think going through this all has been humbling in the sense that getting out of bed should be easy. For most people it is. For me it was, until it was not. I appreciate the patience that Mel has had for all of my requests.
The last couple of days we have had small glitches where Mel has not had much patience to deal with. Normally I would resolve the issue, but with my limited mobility and failing strength it has been hard for me to accomplish. The thermostat was not working after the backplate was installed and we tried to figure it out when we noticed that the heat was not kicking on at 12:45pm. We checked the panel as we had done some electrical work that day. It was all fine. We opened the furnace with great difficulty as we had to move things and Mel had to use tools she was not comfortable with. Once we checked the fuse and the furnace and saw everything was fine we went to check the Nest thermostat again and that is when Mel noticed that one the wires was cut and broken. We cut it and then had to strip off the sheathing for a clean contact. I do not have the strength to do it so Mel did the best that she could and we fixed it. Yesterday I noticed that the house phone line was not working and we did a bunch of trouble shooting again and figured out the issue in the garage. The issue was to fix it, there was a lot of things in the way and it was not simple and easy. We managed to fix this issue as well as something managed to knock the outlet and the modem was not plugged in. Mel voiced her impatience throughout this and apologized as she had to hold it in for all of the major setbacks and issues and these small inconveniences were just one thing too many in back to back days. Prior to surgery I would have taken care of these small things on my own. For the next 4-5 weeks Mel will be responsible for doing a lot of things as i am not supposed to be lifting or straining myself with anything over 10lbs. The thing is when I think, how bad can it be it is not very much weight. This is when you realize how much of your core you need to engage and how difficult it actually is. Getting up from chairs I still feel the strain. It is not as difficult as getting out of bed, but I am fully aware that my abdomen has been sliced open in several areas.
Yesterday I achieved the goals I outlined. This morning, mentally I am in a much better place as the fog is not as heavy and I am aware that I need to pace myself over the course of the day. This is a 6 week marathon to recover and not a 1 day sprint where I need to finish everything all at once. I think it is the fact that I do not know what the next round of treatment will be that is pushing me to try and overcompensate and work harder now that I have a small window of opportunity. Regardless I need to make sure that I do not over exert myself too much, so these are my goals for today.
Goal 1: Achieve 1200 steps. Yesterday I surprised this, but I want my goals to be incremental and based on what I can achieve. I was too fatigued yesterday and need to maintain balance
Goal 2: Breathing exercises for calibration. I did it this morning and took a minute to focus on box breathing. The intent is to try and focus my mind. I will do this after I take breaks and start something new afterwards.
Goal 3: Create high level system view of what I will accomplish today and properly allocate my time for these tasks and adhere to the schedule I set forth.
Goal 4: Mel has today off as it is Remembrance Day. I will spend some time to connect with her and express my appreciation for everything she has done. She is taking on 100% of the workload of the house without complaint, caring for the 4 of us, managing the renovations and making sure that we have all been fed and taken care of.
Goal 5: Think of 1 small thing that I can help Mel out with during the week to help lighten her workload even a little bit.
I still find it amusing that while Mel has been taking care of me, she remembers me doing this all for her when she went through it with the kids. Looking back, it was not something that I thought was difficult or out of the ordinary. Probably because I I was or still am responsible for the main chores that impact us daily and Mel is responsible for the overall cleanliness of the whole place. She could tell me that I need to vacuum or dust or something. Our parents would come and help out with laundry and things like that. She often tells me that she appreciates that I do most of the cooking and she does not have to worry too much about it. She just needs to eat and I will clean up the kitchen afterwards. I think that I am still a far way off from things returning back to normal. I do not anticipate normalcy until most likely the new year. Hopefully now that the issues have been addressed I can actually put on weight instead of just maintaining it. My goal is to try and gain 0.5lbs a week. Since I have daily fluctuations, realistically to see the impact it will be 4lbs per month. In a day or two I think that cognitively my energy levels will be able to keep up with my mental demands. Just in time for Xavier’s hockey this week.
Q