One of the challenges that will come up within the upcoming months is perseverance. The ability to endure and push forward when motivation fades, when uncertainty and setbacks slow progress. It will show up as consistent effort when the results are not instant. A lot of times I will rely on raw talent to get through things, but perseverance is a sustained commitment, instead of short bursts. Resilience is recovering from your setbacks and recovery, while perseverance manifests itself as transforming hardships into part of the journey forward.
I need to be far more vigilant with my eating and drinking schedule. As I need to wait 30 minutes after I eat before I can drink, it is a tricky balance between eating and drinking. I know that Mel would prefer that I was on IV through the treatments. Last time I was so dehydrated that I was on daily IV where a nurse would come and hook me up. 10/10 highly fun experience. The dentist told me that I should do a rinse as often as possible for the first couple of days. I had so many timers throughout the day when I had chemo reminding me what I had to do at each step of the process. I will probably end up doing that again this time.
There is some Chinese writings that hit home I think. “Achieve great tasks through the smallest tasks”. This is my approach to a lot of the work that I do. Break things down into smaller tasks and make it more manageable. Scale the difficulty down before we take actions, which ties into “Transform big matters into small matters, small matters into no matter.” I think what it means is terms of perseverance is be persistant and make things sustainable by scaline down challenges. I am preparing for future routines that I need to maintain by dedicating myself to writing each day. Writing comes easily to me and it is enjoyable, but there are moments or times where I do not want to write or I am not in the mood to write. When you face a daunting hardship, do not attack the whole, but break off a small piece and endure through that. Small tasks dissolve into nothing, each time you finish a step, the obstacle loses weight. This writing forces me to focus on the positive and not the negative. It allows me to refocus today’s discomfort and shrink it down to this hour, this moment, this breath.
My kids have shown a lot of perseverance and resiliency over the years. When Xavier was young the rule was one sporting activity and one arts. We enrolled him into piano lessons and at first it was fine, but as he got older he did not enjoy it as much. It came to such a point that we told him that if he did not like it that we could quit his lessons. Not my son. Damn his happiness. He would quit, but only on his terms, when he was done the year. He was never a quitter and would endure even though he did not enjoy it. We provided him a path out, but he would not take it. Xavier will go through it in silence and suffer quietly. Trying to console him leads to him lashing out. Olivier is different though. He will pick and choose what he goes through. He shows his emotions more, he will vocalize his displeasure. He may persevere and go through it, but he will not do it quietly. He will code and find a way to a solution even after repeated failures. Mel and I use trello to track things that we need to do as shared lists. We added Xavier to it and told Olivier he should use it. Did he want to? Of course not, he would create his own system. His language of choice was Scratch. If you have seen Scratch it is not designed for anything remotely like this. It is a visual programming language designed to teach kids how to start programming. His resiliency and perseverance was amazing as he painstakingly created a system. It worked and he was super excited about it. The issue was that he kept on thinking of more and more things he wanted it to be able to do. After a while he agreed that Trello was probably easiser to use. But he managed to create his own list system to track what he had to do.
Who we are and how we carry ourselves shapes our kids. I am not sure where Xavier picked up his dedication and to consistently maintain the same actions over and over. He reminds me of my sister. Her work ethic was outstanding. I admired the amount of effort she could dedicate to academics. Xavier is similar in the sense that he will put his school work above all else. I gave Olivier my migraines. Mel and I both gave him creativity and a sense of exploring ideas. Xavier with his quiet calculations and analytical mind. Olivier with his outbursts of energy and infectious enthusiasm for everything he does. Olivier wears his heart on his sleeve and is more tender.
Perseverance, resilience and faith are interconnected when facing sickness, contributing to emotional, psychological and spiritual strength when facing adversity. Going through cancer is difficult for both the person and everyone associated. Sickness impacts everyone. The treatments are not easy. There are little things that you need to do. You can not quit half way through, you need to see it through and push through. You persevere. Every day you keep on fighting without losing spirit even when faced with pain or discouragement. Resilience is adapting to the changing reality and finding ways to cope and recover. This is an opportunity for growth. Instead of focusing on what you can not do or what you have lost, take it as an opportunity to find a different way of doing things. Faith and community support promote a sense of connection and purpose. It makes the uncertainty easier to bear providing emotional stability.
Cancer drives this lesson home. It would be easy to give in and let the weight of everything decide for you. No one would blame you if struggled with this and crack under the burden. I have seen people struggle at the cancer center. But perseverance is not about easy. It is about finishing what you set out to accomplish, even if you hate every step of the journey. Even when every part of you screams to stop because it is too hard. And yet in the middle of this there is a choice. It is the quiet reminder that perseverance is not just about suffering through. It is about carrying yourself forward, step by step until you achieve your goals. This is not just about cancer. It is about what my kids see, what they will carry and what they will remember. That even when the path is heavy you keep walking because perseverance is not finishing without struggle, it is finishing despite it.
Q