I had mentioned prior that something that I have always enjoyed was teaching. Lately, over the last couple of days I have felt that this has increased significantly. Whether it was at work or in my personal life. When I was younger I had to adapt and spent a lot of time growing into this role. For those who have not known me long it may come across as surprising that by nature I am not extroverted. Growing up my best friend was far more extroverted than I was and I was content to be in a more quiet role. In university if I taught I had to be comfortable in the spotlight. I use to suffer migraines all of the time and would fake it and forge through it. I would teach, go back to my office and take a nap between classes and experiments. If I was running an experiment I would suffer through and sleep on the couch inside the animal colony. This was my routine. As Mel and I got closer she soon was able to notice when I had my migraines. I tried to pretend everything was normal in these situations. Doing this caused issues while going through treatment the first time. The illusion of normalcy. I tried to do everything that I normally would and could successfully fake it and pass tests. I need to be careful of that this time. I can not forget that everything is not normal and not try and do things on my own. I can lean on people for support. Teaching and learning is something that goes hand in hand. My personal belief is failure of a student or an employee is the fault of the teacher or leader. You either did not connect with them or put them in a situation for success. It is up to you to adapt to reach them. Of course there are exceptions, but use this as a learning opportunity for growth.
Today I helped tutor a young colleague in mathematics. I have never struggled with this, nor have my kids. I told my colleague that they probably had difficulty because they could not turn on their Asian superpowers and instantly be good at math. It is not that I am good on math. It is a gene mutation that makes it natural. The issue with math is that it is cumulative and builds upon each layer. If there is an element of the foundation that is not strong it makes it difficult as you progress. My foundation is Asian genes with a predisposition of mathematics superpowers, so I have a strong base to build on. Struggling with fractions or algebra later impacts calculus or probability. Your are building on a structure that is difficult to build upon. My young colleague is bright as I was grilling them with math and they were getting it right. What they were not taught was the “why” and lacked understanding of the logic behind it. Once that is grasped everything else will come easy. Teachers need to revise how mathematics are taught for better understanding of why it works instead of pure memorization. Teaching has taught me that you can prepare a lesson plan, prepare questions, but you may still be surprised by a situation you did not account for. This journey feels the same. There is no script I can create. No guaranteed outcomes. Only how I choose to respond.
Yesterday I mentioned that small things compounded can lead to big results. I overcame my lack of confidence in teaching to become extroverted and comfortable talking in front of people by placing myself in situations where I had to improve. It is the same thing with this current journey. No matter how you feel or whether things are going well, highlight the things that have gone well and do not focus on set backs.
Uncertainty is one thing that I have not yet grown accustomed to. I do not mind having uncertainty in situations, but I always try and have contingency plans. My health is something that i struggle to build contingency plans for. I do not want a contingency plan if things go bad. I want to believe that everything will run according to my will. I have yet to hear back from the CCO on whether the PET scan has been approved and I have not heard back about the CT.
What positives happened today though was that I tried some new local treats that were delicious. At the arena with Xavier I have had kid sing praises about Xavier’s abilities. Acknowledging his work over the years. I have had people acknowledge my contributions at work. I am grateful that people recognize the little things and share it with me. Right now I have the opportunity to spread my knowledge and I am grateful that i have the opportunity to give back to my circle, because soon the illusion of normalcy will fade away and I will need the support of others. I know that when this time comes I have an army of supporters to help me with my burden.
Q