April 1st – Chemo Week 3 – Day 2

It amuses me how easy it is to forget things about the chemo treatment. It has only been two weeks but yesterday so many things happened that I forgot some of the effects. I forgot that when I eat my whole mouth locks up and it is very difficult to swallow. I forgot that I can not eat cold and it is a bit painful swallowing. The hands freeze up and they lock and it is difficult to use. I need to wear gloves and keep my hands warm. Luckily I have heated gloves and things like that to help out. My feet are also impacted by the neuropathy and are always cold. These inconveniences I tend to forget. On the bright side even though i felt the fluid enter my body and the needle when inserting the port, it is not as bad when I first started the treatment. There is not as much discomfort as before. Even though I took some steroids this morning I am very tired today. Probably due to the fact that I did not sleep very well last night. I had a lot on my mind and was doing some work in my head and thinking of what needs to be done today. I would take a nap but we have someone coming here between noon and 3 to pick up the wheelchair. Once that is done though I am going to go to bed for a nap. Xavier has some appointments today but my mother in law will take him and then Mel will to his other appointment. I do not think that I am in any condition to drive today. We did receive my accessibility pass yesterday and we used it at the hockey arena. Xavier loves it because we get close parking all of the time.

Last night chemo ran a bit late and there was an accident on Paris that messed up traffic a bit and we did not get home till around 5:30. We had to leave by 6:00 to go to Xavier’s year end team hockey party. I was initially not going to attend because I was quite tired, but I wanted to see everyone one last time and I figured I would go for a bit and then come home. I had no intention of staying for the game that they were going to have afterward. I am glad that I went though. Near the end after being there for 90 minutes I was tired and as I was going to say good byes to everyone the manager told me I could not leave yet. That she wanted to say some words. Her words really hit home and made Melanie quite emotional. She had mentioned that we are a family. It is something that really resonated. 

Family is not defined by structure, blood or labels. Family is built through repeated choices. It is the people that stay when it may be an inconvenient, the people who adjust their lives without being asked. The ones that see you clearly, both the good and the bad and they do not step back. Family creates a space where you do not need to perform or negotiate ytour worth as you are already part of the circle. It is where responsibility flows both ways and you each take turns carrying each other without keeping score. You do not always notice when the family is forming, but you recognize it when something breaks and they show up without hestitation. We have been blessed because our family is large. The hockey community has rallied and we received sizeable donations from our own hockey team as well as other hockey teams and individuals. When we needed support, it came in spades. the only question asked from our family was, how can we support you more? I am glad that I managed to attend this party because we were present to receive the love from our family. The coach thanked Mel and myself for the photos we took of the team at tournaments. Mel averages around 400-500 photos of the kids at the tournament and the coach recited to the players their statistics for the season that I had captured throughout. People thought that I just recorded the stats for Xavier but I have always recorded everything and the kids enjoyed comparing the performances to each other.

I have been eating more food and I know that the amount is increasing at a pretty steady rate. I think that I am going to miss my 3am cereal meals when I am in Spain. I am going to need to find some cereal and milk when I am there. My favorite cereal use to be Honey Nut Corn Flakes by Kellogs and they have something similar still in Europe, but the Canadian/US version was far more sweetened than the one in Europe. I had a friend bring some back for me years ago, crushed in his suitcase and I had ordered some via a British importer and when I had it, it was not the same as I remembered so I tend to eat Honey Nut Chex now which is delicious. I can now eat about a bowl and a half. I feel that I could probably push it more, but the cold milk last night was not pleasant so I stopped. I think that when we get to Pearson airpot on Saturday I am going to see how far and how much I can travel without using the wheelchair. It will help me figure out what I can or can not do when we are in Spain. If I can manage to get all the way to the gate without sitting down then it will be a good sign that I can manage a full day without too much trouble. The issue is if I need to take naps what do we do. In Spain at least you do not eat until 8 or 9pm, which is when I normally have my second dinner. We just need to figure out what to do for the kids prior. They are always hungry and would eat all day.

We always try and be nice to everyone so I wanted to get something for the flight attendants and the pilot. A little gift. One of my coworkers has a fiance that is a pilot with Air Canada so I figured out how many flight attendants and pilots are on the flight. I told Mel I wanted to do this and she agreed with me. So I will get them a small gift and she said I should give it at the end of the flight. It is amusing when you see travel hacks that say to give the flight attendants things to get better service. So I am going to play on that and give it at the end, where I will tell them that I am giving it to them in the hopes of getting some perks and maybe a possible upgrade. I will ask them if I am doing it right or not. We want to give them something to be kind and not for perceived benefits so we will do it at the end when there is nothing left. The intent is for appreciation for what they do without doing something for reciprication. I just want to mess with them and act all innocent about it. Be kind to everyone and try and do something small. You never know when someone is having a bad day. Yesterday prior to chemo I had brought treats for the Chemo nurses and for the volunteers at the desk. When I handed them their treats they were all confused. I told them that I brought them a treat, they asked who I was and I said I was just a chemo patient. It seems that people do not bring them treats or much. I did not get a chance to chat with them to see if they enjoyed them or not, but I hope that they did. The staff in chemotheraphy loved the treats and hopefully there were enough for everyone. They get devoured quite quickly there. Small acts of kindness are easy to do.

Q