I am not sure if the ascites build up is increasing or not, but there is a bit more discomfort within my abdomen. Mel thinks that it may be due to my muscles just getting use to things. It does feel that it does feel like muscle over anything else. It feels like tightness in my abdomen and it changes a bit depending on how I move around. Today I did not wake up as early, so my meals this morning were a bit more compressed. I was tired last night and went to bed at 10:30 as opposed to closer to 11:30 or so. on the bright side, my weight is increasing and I do believe that it is due to my increased eating as opposed to ascites build up. The weight increase is slow and gradual right now.
Every meal I have reminds me that I can not eat as much as before. I am not sure how long it would take to stretch out my stomach, but I would like to be able to finish a burger. Right now I can not and it reminds me when I first had cancer and could barely eat. That is the stage that I am at now. I drank a lot of clamato at the time because it was calories and surprisingly it is something that was not impacted by any sort of aversion. The texture is not that far off of a thick protein shake so it surprises me a bit. You do not realize how little food 1/4th a cup is when you look at it and start eating. I can not eat too much rice because of that, as if I do then I can not eat much food to go with the rice.
This afternoon we have an appointment with the social worker to discuss what we should say to the kids or explain this. They are aware that I am sick, but they do not know that the prognosis is negative. We have shared things with them, but not all of the details behind it. I think we can wait until after hockey tryouts to tell them a bit more. I am not sure how they would react if they think that I am going to die soon. Mel wants to make sure we spend quality time together and I think that this summer we will end up selling our trailer because it might be difficult to go camping. I would also like to take a couple of trips with the kids. I have spoken to Xavier that I might need to go to Spain for treatment and we might go for a vacation to France and then Spain. He said that he would be ok with missing school to do that depending on when it is. The ideal time is right after tryouts and before exams start or we will wait until exams are done. I am not sure if we will have the option with treatment. My oncologist is not sure if it is a wise idea to go as we may not have medical insurance, but I would make sure that we purchase it prior to us going.
We have a hockey game tonight and good thing that it is a snow day as it looks dreadful outside right now and you never know when kids are going to stay late at school and go home at 6pm. I feel bad for the team that needs to drive back out to Elliot Lake tonight with the weather. Mel is not letting me go too early so I need to wait at home until closer to game time. I get to go watch still sometimes still. I have my port surgery scheduled for next Thursday when we head out to North Bay for a game. The surgery is at 10am and I should be out by noon they said. We need to travel by 3pm at the latest for Xavier to be there early enough. Ideally we would leave at 2pm. I asked the nurse and she said it should not be an issue for me. I might have some pain and discomfort but that is nothing compared to missing my son play. I think I have missed only a handful of games in his life and it was mostly due to some sort of surgery where I was not allowed to travel. My chemo is also starting on March 3rd and we have a consult with Spain on Monday to see whether I am eligible to go or not. If I am then the next step is to see if Mt. Sinai or The Mayo Clinic will do it as the cost of going there is much lower. If they do not then we will figure out how to pay for the trip to Spain every 4 or 6 weeks. Should be easy enough to do. I have organs that I do not use too often.
Q