I am not sure how the effects of the radiation decrease over time, but it seems that today the nausea is a bit worse than usual. I thought that I was doing the smarter thing by eating mid morning and thought that I could eat again around lunch time. I am struggling with that as I do not feel awesome at the moment. I took a pill as soon as I thought that things were starting to go downhill, but I am not sure how great of an impact it had. When things like this happen I tend to drop weight and i suspect that is going to happen in the next couple of days. It always concerns me when I have some difficulty keeping food down or when I eat less than I normally do. It is more concerning when I do not have much or an appetite or I fear eating because my stomach feels uneasy. I am also feeling a bit more fatigued today compared to other days. For the last couple of days I have been getting up in the middle of the night for a bit. I am not sure why I am wakine up, but it is a bit bothersome. I am not sure if I am going to achieve my caloric intake today, so I will need to figure something out to make it up. It seems easy enough to just eat more, but it is difficult at times. I deviated a bit from my eating today as I had to drive Xavier to hockey, Mel to work, and then Olivier to school.
The bus schedule for Olivier is not the best. There are times where the bus does not show up. Today the bus did not arrive until 9:23am. School starts at 8:55. He walks to the bus stop around 8:19 or so. This morning it was a bit cold and we had told him to make sure that he was dressed appropriately. He waited until 9:00am to come back home as his bus has arrived at 8:55 at times. I told him that when it is this cold outside to not stand there and to come home at 8:45. I was not expecting him and he hesitantly opened my office door with fear in his eyes on the verge of crying. I think that he thought that I would yell at him. It is understandable as I am an Asian father and he probably has more memories of me being stern then loving. He tried to contact Mel several times but she did not answer, so I was the last resort. I asked him if he was ok and then he understood that I was not mad at him. We have been upset with him in the past when he was too slow to get to the bus stop because he left the house too slowly, but when he is on his own he is pretty diligent about everything. I asked him if the bus had gone by and he said that he did not think so and I had not received any notification about bus delays or anything. I drove him to school and Mel called me afterwards and that is when we had the chat about when the bus arrived. What this tells me is that I should probably be more empathatic and compassionate with my son so that no matter what he always feels comfortable telling me things. Mel and I have asked our kids this in the past and they said that they would tell us. I need to make sure that I control my reactions and that I do not show anger. Today I was upset that he had to suffer in -33 standing waiting for a bus that did not show up. Xavier would have come home earlier I think than what Olivier did. When the bus is late he normally provides play by play to Mel via his watch but he was unable to do that today for some reason and he could not contact me. I will need to look into this when I get home.
I had a friend drop by the house today and he made a comment about my strength going through all of this. This is something that I hope gets passed on to the kids. That they use this and learn from it. I think that they are both quite strong in their own ways and could handle things well. Something that I need to model better though is kindness around the house. Small little things like telling Mel I appear everything she does. Interest in what the kids do and unlike other Asian parents praise them for work well done. Ok, I am not sure if I can accomplish that last one. That one seems tough. I am not sure if I will do well with that. I think the best that I can do is give a fake smile without a scowl.
I got a call from the physiotherapist today and I am meeting with her on Feb 3rd. She has some strategies that we will try. Seated exercises to see if I can gain some more muscles. We will take this one day at a time
She thinks that it might stimulate my appetite. Hopefully that happens but we will need to see. I am not even sure what is an acceptable weight for me to lift. She told me that this is all new ground for her so she is experimental as well. That is what I like to hear. We are breaking new grounds with this challenge and we will figure this out together. I track a lot of things as it is so I can share a lot with her. The key indicator right now is my weight. If my weight is going up and I am eating less it may be an indicator of ascite build up. If my weight goes up afterwards it may be muscle mass. These are some of the baselines I need to figure out. One is bad, while the other is good. This is all a learning experience for us and hopefully it will help her out with future cases. She might struggle though with patients who keep diligent records of everything.
QHM