Perception can change so much from different vantage points. This morning while I was going through treatment I was talking to the technicians and they had mentioned that right now we are treating it very superficially and trying to radiate that area. With the surgeon his belief was that this is widespread and it will inevitably come back. The difference though is to the surgeon I am just a patient who has bested the odds so far. To the oncologist I am a friend that he will try and save no matter what. The slimmest of chances that we have we will pursue. One views this from a neutral point of view without consideration of bias. The other is extremely biased and looks at it from a more positive mindset. This is best case scenario and this is what we will do to get through this and deal with what happens with the future then. The reality is that no matter what the truth is, we are in a stasis until it appears again. We do not know whether it will or not, but we need to scan and check every 3 or 4 months. The scans do not really indicate that the cancer is there so it is very important for me to track my body metrics and make sure I am tuned in to all of that. Any sudden body fluctuations I need to talk to a doctor and be seen right away as that is what was the main trigger for my oncologist to push for more information here.
Hockey is a bit of the same. Parents see everything through rose tinted glasses and see all of the bad things happening to their team and gloss over when their team does unsportsmanlike things to the other team. This is not always the case and there are parents that are cognizant of when players on their team are not doing the right thing as well. Something that I do find pretty consistent though is that 99% of goalie parents do not want to see the other goalie struggle or have a bad game. You feel for them when they have a bad game or let in a bad goal as you have seen it happen to your kid. It happens at times and you know how your kid feels. Even with this there are exceptions though where they want to see the other kid fail to make their child look better. You should never need to bring someone down to prop yourself up. I am not a fan of this.
School can sometimes be quite competitive and in grad school I had some colleagues who would find the answer to something and not share it and keep it to themselves in order to make themselves shine. I believe in the dissemination of knowledge and will always teach others. I am also arrogant and believe that no matter how much knowledge I give you I will still win because I can expand it more, learn and adapt quicker. I want to beat people at their best, not because someone is having a bad day. There is no glory in beating an overmatched opponent. I want it to mean something and upskill everyone and then best them in a dominant manner to leave no doubt.
I have mentioned this before but I do envy the work ethic that Xavier and my sister have. Olivier had asked who was smarter between Mel and myself and we said we had different strengths but I said that Mel has a better work ethic than I do. She will delay things, but I think that it is safe to say that Mel has a far superior work ethic. It does not mean that I do not have a good work ethic, but I rely on natural abilities a lot of time and should put in more work. Xavier is just completely different. He has the innate intelligence coupled with the internal drive to succeed. It should really help him out in life. My sister was the same way. Neither is scared of hard work and where others may falter they will persevere just because others have said it is too hard. When life is hard it is easy to give up and say everything is against you. Both of them are stubborn and will drive through it. Xavier might complain it is difficult and unachievable, but if you tell him to give up he will get even more mad and just do it. I remember my sister staying up super late to finish things on her own because she wanted things perfect. In some of these instances if I thought it was beneath me and did not care who was judging me I would stop and not care. Being judged did not concern me. Xavier and my sister are not always concerned with the external validation, but that inner drive for self accomplishment is strong.
At major holidays it is a time to get together with loved ones and celebrate. Something that I had started many years ago when I started working at Vale was inviting people to major holidays when they were by themselves. No one should be alone, unless they chose it themselves. If you do not want to join the festivities that it is one thing, but you should not be alone because you have no one to celebrate with. We get both sides of the family together here and have close to 30 people at times. Adding an extra 1 or 2 is not a big deal at all. It is important to give back to the community, especially around the holidays. Luckily Mel does not care when i invite an extra person or two and they have always enjoyed it and mingled well with the families. We will need to get our space cleaned up a bit better to host for the holidays as it is still a bit of a mess and there is not a ton of space for the kids to play safely. We will need to clear things a bit for safe zones. If you are alone for Christmas or in search of some festivities you are always welcome at our house.
This is the end of week 3 and I am a bit tired and I have managed to eat pretty consistently throughout the day. I always feel the need to try and finish the last couple of bites when I am almost full. Today I had food in my mouth and one small portion left. I spit it out and threw the rest out because I felt I was too close to hitting the max. I could find more food in 30 minutes if I could. So that is my new method. Do not push too much and just increase the amounts and just take a bite of food or two. It seems to be working better now and we will see if my weight increases now or not.
QHM