When I arrive at the cancer center for my appointments in the morning the parking lot is not always full, but the number of cars that do not park well always astounds me. Previously, working here I had so many vehicles actually hit the truck or park so close that our bumpers were touching. Sometimes I would park far away and this would still happen. It was always interesting. People go into the spots on angles and effectively take up two spaces in a parking lot with limited space. When I get out of the car if it is not aligned well it bothers me and I go back and adjust the vehicle so it is parked properly.
I think that next week or the week after I may not be able to drive myself in anymore which aligns with what happenwd last time. I am getting more tired each day and I am not sure if it is because of my eating less these couple of days or just cumulative fatigue. I woke up this morning and felt fine so I immediately ate some yogurt. Probably a bit more than 1/4. I felt fine and it seemed like a good amount. The downside is when I eat I need to limit how much i do afterwards as it fatigues me. I get in a quick serving of food however. If I do not feel like eating again after this treatment I will start taking some pills. Right now the thought of eating does not seem appetizing to me. Thursday my appointment is late in the day. If the trend continues where I do not want to eat after my appointments then I may switch to the end of the day for my treatments if I am able to. It seems though right now there is just a lot of gas build up when I am eating and I need to constantly burp, which relieves some pressure. It is a slight annoyance at the moment that I need to figure out what I need to change in my diet. It does not seem to matter too much what i eat as it happens pretty consistently.
This morning as I sit in my waiting area a lot of people have walked by and all of them have looked in at me. I am sitting behind a barrier and people need to turn around to see me. Everyone has either given me a head nod or said hello. It is nice to see so many people with a pleasant demeanor. When I am out I will have a lot of guys stare at me and it happened this weekend again while we were at Deluxe picking up some food. It is more often than naught guys that will stare at me and then eventually say something to me. Normally it is a comment about my hat or my toque. I wear a Quebec Nordiques hat and people tend to comment on it when they see me and we start a conversation. It is a bit disconcerting at times as I have no clue why the person keeps on looking at me. Once they mention the hat then we start in friendly banter.
I have not been writing a lot about positive things lately because I get tired and do struggle to think clearly. I tend to to go to bed earlier than everyone in the house right now and a couple of night ls ago I remembered waking up briefly and Mel was holding my hand on her chest. I did not make a comment and fell back to sleep instantly not really sure if I had dreamt that or if it was real. Mel had mentioned that it kind of happened organically where I reached out towards her in the night and she then held my hand. It was a nice moment and memory for me to wake up.
I seem to have recovered a bit from my lack of eating for the last few days and I am back on track. I may have been feeling a bit under the weather due to either all of the illness in the house or fatigue from Mel not listening to medical orders. It could also be that for the last 4 days we were eating out and today I finally made dinner. Tomorrow we are having another simple dinner of charcuterie and bread. One of our kids favorite meals. Hopefully I can regain my weight and stop decreasing weight. I do not think that I will be able to hit 145 right now as I have dropped too much weight prior to Christmas. Unless it is a Christmas miracle. If I get weighed at HSN I will definitely hit 145, so I can cheat and weigh myself with clothes on.