We have arrived home after being gone for the whole weekend. The arena that we played our games in was freezing cold and not super pleasant to be in. We knew that it was going to be cold ahead of time so we had prepared for it already. Now that I am back in the comfort of my own home after taking a nap it provides me time to reflect on how the weekend was. It took more out of me than I had anticipated. My writing was short and it was very difficult to form thoughts or really articulate things. I understand how people going through treatment can be in survival mode every day. If you do not have a very robust support system it can be exhausting. I did not drive at all these two days and I was catered to, but being out in public for 7 or 8 hours drains you. Physically sitting and being active resulted in me not being able to eat at my normal schedule and my drinking was off as well. Paying attention to the game required me to focus for the whole time and not have too much mental drift while my hands were freezing. The difference was that this was all optional for me and I did not have to do this. I chose to do this. Sometimes you may need to do a lot for yourself and you do not have help. At the cancer center during treatment you see a mix of those who show up with support and those without. There is quite the contrast. Interestingly the ones with support can allow themselves to feel down or not look too comfortable because there is someone there to help them out. The help is probably there because they need it, but you can always see the warmth and the care amongst the people. Those that show up by themselves fall into two camps. Either cheerful and trying to make the best of it or struggling to make it through. Having to do everything on your own is exhausting and maintaining strength all of the time can be draining. I know at times that I feel completely drained and physically and emotionally I am so tired that I just want to sit down and rest wherever I am. I am blessed that in these situations I have an army of people that come and try and help me out.
As much as I like to be left alone to rest when I am not feeling well, I still need help when I need it. In these instances I am an entitled brat that wants everything their way. Like a child I need catering to. I am lucky that I am surrounded by loving people that help me without a second thought. This morning we had an early game at 8am which required us to leave at 6:30am to arrive. Mel was going to drive Xavier and then come back to get me so I did not have to be there longer than I had to. We asked a team member to drive Xavier and as everyone knows that Xavier likes to be early they were willing to adapt their schedule to accommodate him. The thing is, on our team this is not the exception, but the norm. Everyone is more than happy to help me out. As soon as I arrive at the arena if someone is sitting they offer me a seat or ask if I need any help. I am grateful that I can be demanding and that people understand. I am grateful that I can be grumpy with my family and instead of getting upset with me they try and understand things to make things better for me. At dinner last night everyone ordered food except for me. The waitress and the owner checked in multiple times to make sure that I did not want anything. I told them that Mel forbade me from eating and I could only watch. It is different being in a small town where people care enough to check in and make sure that their customers are ok.
On the drive home today Mel missed the turnoff to drive to Sudbury as we were chatting and I was looking something up. She then remarked that the estimated time to get home was now 13 minutes longer. I looked up and noticed that we were on highway 101 and not 144. She laughed and we figured out that she was waiting for a T intersection that never came. Kids are very perceptive and understand things that we may not always see. While we course corrected and got on our way and we chatted Mel mentioned that she appreciated that I did not get upset that she made a mistake. Xavier replied that I do not get mad at big mistakes, only little ones. He is right, while she drives I will question her decisions on what she is doing because it is not necessarily what I would do. I develop strategies far in advance and try to accommodate things further and she is never in a rush while my thoughts are how can I do this more efficiently. She is fine with being behind cars slowing down while 5 minutes prior I would have assessed the situation and determined where I should be or things that may play out. She says that I am not a very good passenger princess and make a lot of comments. When I am exhausted though I think I tend to make less comments. I am not as aware of what is going on.
So what are the lessons learned from this extended outing 1 week into treatment. I need to stop being so Asian and judge every thing that everyone does. Xavier needs to step up and start carrying me around more often so I can save energy. He can strap me to his back. I need to make sure that when I am exhausted that I am taking the time to think of what I am grateful for that day. You need to make sure that you think of the positives. Xavier is known for being able to bounce back when he is not playing well and competing throughout. He let in the first 2 shots he faced today. They were 1 on 1 situations but no excuses. He said what he focuses on is making 1 good play to change his mindset. As a goalie it is not about just making a save. He said if he makes a good pass or plays the puck well it helps him reset. He ended up playing the puck a lot today and made some nice plays, but he understands that you need to shift your mindset to something positive and not dwell on the negative. I failed that this weekend when I was exhausted and just wanted to rest.
Friday we arrived and managed to go to Pick of the Crop prior to closing. A small local grocery store that has nice quality fruits, food and snacks. We stocked up on tasty treats and made it to the hotel safely. We did not have bad traffic and the roads were manageable. I am grateful that Speedy Mel drove after a long day at work and managed to avoid all cops as she toyed with going 50km/h over the speed limit. Really I think she just wanted to make me feel better for going 39 over. She realized how easy it could happen. Mel and I normally do not get much speeding or parking tickets so if someone does, no one gets mad. It is an opportunity to tease the other person. Saturday I am grateful for Mel’s aunt and uncle driving down from Kapuskasing to spend the weekend with us watching Xavier play. We had all our meals with them and they graciously paid for Mel’s and Xavier’s breakfast while I was not feeling well in the van. At dinner I slipped Xavier my credit card and told the waitress that he was paying for everyone. It would have worked if the tap did not fail. He did not remember my pin so I had to key it in, ruining the illusion. We tried to do this with my parents when we go out to eat. I wanted to see how they would react to seeing their grandson treat them to a meal.
These long drives provide the family ample time to chat. Xavier likes to chat to make the boredom go by faster. When Olivier is there the conversations can be more all over the place because he is so creative, but this allows us time to bond and discuss things. Xavier gets a bit testy when we chat about how he played as he is fully aware of when he does things well or not. When we point out things he did well sometimes he appreciates it and sometimes he does not and thinks it is condescending. He inherits both of Mel and my good and bad traits and it is amusing to see it come out. He was stressed about homework that he had to complete. He brought his laptop but did. It end up doing any work and made comments about how he had to do it. I still do not know if he has done it or not yet. I told him that I am going to start teaching him how to do proper programming and that it is a skill I want him to know. He agreed. I appreciate that my kids are always willing to learn and acknowledge that we are smart. I should be smart as well and even when I am tired, take a minute and reflect on what went well that day.
Quoc Hao