Yesterday was far more tiring than I had anticipated. We went to Costco last night and I struggled to get through the whole shopping process. The kids helped me out and i literally just went d own some aisles and the kids ran and went and got everything. By the time we got to the checkout I was done and Mel took over. She originally had gone to return some items and were going to meet up with us. What I learned was my limitations for physical movement. After that I realized that I would definitely not be able to attend Xavier’s session with his coaches where they review what he needs to work on, issues or concerns or where he wants to be. He knows what he needs to work on and for the most part is pretty good about it. The issue is conflicting information from coaches, but his goalie coach that he has this year welcomes questions and is trying to just provide more tools for him to utilize. He enjoys the goalie coach that comes out and the coaches that help him out this year.
I just returned from my second appointment and my head is a big foggy. I remember last time that I lacked some mental clarity and it makes it a bit difficult for thinking. the combination of chemo and radiation is far more difficult and I think that I will be able to manage this once I adjust to it. As soon as I came home I made sure to eat and I think that I will be able to work as long as I do not push it too much and take breaks every 45 minutes or so to rest up a bit. I need to monitor my nausea and make sure that I can maintain my weight. That is the key. I left 30 minutes early for my appointment thinking that would be ample time to drive there, walk in and register, but alas, it only works if everything goes perfect and today it did not. I was not late, but it is too close for comfort for me, so tomorrow I am going to leave 45 minutes early to make sure that I am early.
It is going to be a difficult balancing act between pushing myself and resting. When I sit at my desk and can actively engage then the fatigue dissipates and my mind starts to get a bit of clarity. The issue is that I also know that I will crash hard if I push it too much and the end result will not be great. At noon I need to start prepping for dinner and prepping my focaccia for dinner. It will be a good check to see if I managed my energy properly or not. Doing things helps me as then I do not have time to be tired and I am distracted. The mental fog is going away the longer I work, but I can feel physical fatigue replacing the fogginess. I am ok with that trade off as I can manage physical fatigue and push through that a bit more easily. If I eat then I can increase my energy levels and I can take a nap mid day to replenish energy. Mental fog is more difficult to overcome and clouds my judgement and ability to think.
At the cancer center this morning as I was registering there was a patient with their family and they were struggling and had some sort of an incident where nurses and clinicians rushed over and brought them into a room nearby to assist them. I am not sure what happened, but they were in a wheelchair and were struggling to maintain a seated position. Their family members tried to help them, and I stood there unable to help. I had neither the strength nor the knowledge on how to assist them in this situation. I am fortunate that right now I am able to go in and do most of the things on my own. I do recall though as this went on and further into the treatment that I had to enter via a wheelchair and my mobility decreased signficantly. We borrowed a wheelchair at the time for home use and I remember using it when we had gone out shopping. Xavier would push me through the stores with it and I wonder if that is what will happen as things progress.
I have managed to make the bread and dinner and I am tired, but not as tired as I was yesterday. My goal today is to see how far I can make it without napping. When we go away this weekend I am not sure if I will be able to nap so I would like to test my limits a bit. As the day progresses though I am more fatigued. Energy drain is not linear and ebbs and flows through the day. Food and water intake have been good and I feel that I can eat more with each passing meal. I am not sure if it is all in my head or reality, but the fact that I am slowly gaining weight is promising. The end of this week will be a good indicator of whether I can go to Ottawa or not. If I can not handle Timmins, then Ottawa will be quite difficult. I will need to figure out a way to get the GoPros setup for capture afterwards.
Q