There are some great qualities within Xavier as well as some really annoying ones. He is very dedicated once he has made his mind up on something. His goal this year has been to increase his strength as well as increase his flexibility. This involves him spending 30 minutes stretching every day. Last night we were watching a movie and 2/3 of the way through he asked how much was left. We replied an hour and as it was after 10pm. He stopped watching so he could go do his stretches. Things like that matter to him. If he says that he is going to do something and he sets his mind to it, if there is a routine that requires disciplined rigidity he will adhere to it. It is impressive to see as his age as he is willing to do the difficult work for delayed gratification. You do not always see the impact of working out immediately but overtime you will see the progress. Same with his hockey. He will review the mistakes and correct it. It does not mean that it instantly results in change, but as the season progresses he will improve and by the end of the season he tends to shine. It also does not help that at the beginning of each season he is breaking in new gear. The main issue is that this kid has very high anxiety when he can not do what he sets out to. These are internal standards set by him and if he does not achieve it then it really stresses him out. Because of that he always makes sure he has some leeway. He can not finish stretching at 12:01 because that would mean he did not accomplish his goals for that day. It is also why he gets nervous when Mel takes him to hockey when he likes to be 90 minutes early.
When we get home late on the weekends we try to leave Olivier at home so he is not gone for 9+ hours. Our kids have a great relationship with my brother and they will often call him to play video games with. They have not done it as much lately, but it use to be a common experience for them. I am grateful that my brother enjoys spending time with them and that he almost always helps out with them as much as he can. He does not always respond to texts from his siblings, but he always responds to texts from his nephews. Olivier genuinely likes going to his house and I have no clue what they do, but they seem to have a lot of fun.
Today we just finished our hockey game and I did not have any of my motility meds today. It seems that they work quite well as I threw up today in the parking lot. The food does. It seem to sit as well in my stomach right now and it seems that I am rather sensitive to the amount that I can eat still. It feels like I am eating too fast and I can not catch my breath. In the past when I had a bit too much to eat once I threw up I would feel better. That does not seem to be working for me right now. On a more positive note though, afterwards once I got over that hump I have been fine the rest of the day. I suspect it might have been because the food I had eaten was spicy and I ate it a bit too rapidly. What this reminds me of however is that with this adjustment I need to relearn how to eat and what my limiitations are. I can not go with what has worked for the last 4 years. I have been set back and it is like I am starting fresh again and I need to figure out what the new baseline is and work from there.
i am grateful for Mel’s organization and when she plans for our trips. She makes sure that everyone has everything and it is amusing when things go awry. The first thing is mom/Mel did we pack this or that. She normally replies why is she responsible for everything. I never blame her for something being missing because I was careless, but we always assume that she is the safety net that takes care of us. With my journey through cancer a second time it is something that I know that I will rely on. If I falter at any step of the journey she will be there to fill in the gaps that I have missed. In the event that she has not, then that is ok as well. We will laugh and move on. I think that is quite important in leadership as well. Mistakes are rarely fatal. We can always move on. Learn from them, but do not dwell on them. When I hire younger people to work with me I encourage them to make mistakes. I tell them that they may make decisions that I do not agree with, but I will let them try things out because they might be smarter than me. They might try something that I do not think will work and succeed. I have done this is in the past and there is no reason to think that others can not replicate it.
Xavier had a shut out in his game today, and for the most part he played well. Technically sound with few mistakes. This is where he differs from others though. Even though he had a shut out he knows he made mistakes. We have had to tell him repeatedly that when a parent or someone says good game, you say thanks and move on. He should not reply with, no I did not, I made too many mistakes. Most of the other people are not aware of what the mistakes were. Especially when the end result was a shutout. In these instances it comes down to very specific situations where he did not control a rebound properly or did not place the puck where he had wanted. We won our second game, with a score of 6-4. The goalie that played was happy with his play. I think that this is what differentiates my son from others. He is Asian so he has grown up with the mindset. A is average, B is failure. Once he knows that he has made a mistake, he will work on correcting it so it does not happen again. He is more concerned with watching replays of what he did wrong as opposed to what he did right. Xavier will spend 5 seconds watching a replay of a great save and 5 minutes slow motion replay of why he did something wrong. This dedication is something that should push him to excel in life.
I realized that this trait most likely comes from my side of the family. My parents dissect every meal every action and think of what was good or what was wrong. When I have incidences with my eating or cancer I always wonder what did I do to trigger this. How far can I push the limits to see what I can or can not do. I think I feel safe doing this because of Mel. When I am doing my mental experiments to determine cause and effect she is in the background making sure that if the experiment fails she is available to pick up the pieces and clean up the mess that I have made. We have a very strong relationship where we both give and take. Right now while I go through this, I am most likely going to take more than I give. But she owes me for all of the unpaid invoices that I have sent to her work for all of the problems I have helped her resolve and shortcuts that I have developed for her. It is quite a fair trade-off. A couple of minutes of my creativity for a lifetime of love and assistance.
QHM