Culture is shaped by the unseen actions that are repeated when no one is watching. The small details or actions that are repeated over and over until they are muscle memory. Successful families are built on a culture of shared values, effective communication, appreciation, support and strong emotional connections. In order to achieve this however, you need to consciously define and teach the core values and actively practice them. Empathy, respect, honesty, love and perseverance need to be taught and reinforced through guiding decisions and behaviours.
Our kitchen cabinetry is being installed today and it is progressing quite well. As our family and friends are involved in the installation you can see the meticulous care to details that no one else would consider. Actions done in the background that no one might see or notice, except for the preson doing the work. Within their own environment they have built a culture of excellence and perfection. You tend to surround yourself with like minded people, and when you have shared values and vision you tend to draw them in and be close. I know from personal experience I work well with those people who have a shared values. Perfectionism. At Vale, on my team, my colleagues that I worked closely with would instantly notice that one font word on a 50 slide presentation was different from the rest, or there was a change in font sizes. The attention to detail on my team is what really set us apart. We had a shared value of making sure that everything was done to the highest standard. Everyone held each other accountable and if someone made a mistake, you were grateful that the mistake was pointed out. There would be some light teasing common amongst close friends, but we all shared the same vision of having a high quality product. Our kitchen cabinet installer is the same way. If something is off slightly, it means taking it down and making sure it is perfect. High attention to detail.
This is the environment that our kids grew up in and you can see it in their actions. Olivier will start a project, scrap it completely and start over because in one of his designs he realized that one pixel on one of his graphics was wrong. There is some frustration in making the mistake, but not in having to redo it. It is not an option, perfect the craft and take care of the minor details. In hockey Xavier will do the same, there are some really small things that he works on repeatedly and he will work on his craft. Other parents who are goalies have noticed these small actions that he does and practices when they watch him. Unless you are a goalie you may not notice the small nuances that he works on and does different then other goalies. It is what sets him apart. He always wants to get better. This summer I was working on teaching him how to run, and Mel remarked that it must be so much easier than some of the actions and drills that he does when plays hockey. Mel has seen some of the drills he practices for movement. Xavier answered that no, since I was coaching him, it was just as hard. I critiqued everything when he was taking a stride, his ankle flexion, toe strike, knee placement, driving his legs, posture, swinging of his arms. He told Mel that there was so much more that he had to concentrate on, but it is the small details that will lead to excellence. When you see Xavier play on the ice, you do not see the countless hours he has spent doing the same exact motion repeatedly week after week, with the smallest details getting corrected by his coach. I see what he coaches the other goalies prior or after Xavier and what his coach does with him. There is a higher standard and a higher expectation. That might have been good enough for the other person, but this is not good enough for what you are capable of. He is always pushed to “Be Better”. Olivier pushes in other ways. He tries to get around the limitations of what the software can do and tries to see, what is the limit of what this program can do. Can I think of a way to force it to do what I want. Within the next couple of years I am going to teach him how to do proper programming. While we were driving home one day, Xavier was no in the vehicle and he was talking about password security, so we started to discuss different methods on how you would go about cracking passwords or getting into various systems. I should probably not teach him how, but he is going to learn on his own, so my preference would be to guide him and have him understand the ethics involved. Just because you can do it, does not mean that you should, but it comes back creating a safe and open environment for expressing thoughts and feelings. Nothing is taboo.
Mastery comes from the details that are practiced without applause. People have mentioned my approach to how I go through cancer or strength. It comes easy and it seems natural because I take the effort every day to think of gratitude or appreciation of what I have now. What I am quite poor at though is talking about it with Mel, Olivier and Xavier. I grew up in a household where my dad did not come out and say I love you daily. I do not recall him ever verbally saying it. I 100% without a shadow of a doubt know that he loves me via his actions, the unsaid words. It is not the traditional Asian way to praise or show that degree of emotion towards your child. Discipline and structure is the method. This is something that I work on to try and create an opening culture. Mel helps out a lot with it because she is quite positive most of the time.
It helps with the cancer journey as we may prepare for the worse that will come, but we have created a culture that it does not matter. We will tackle it together. We will work on the small details, like making sure that I drink liquids at set times after I eat. The way memory works is that it is recursive in the sense that previous experiences influence future actions. What you experience in life will shape your beliefs and influences your behaviour. Repeating this over time reinforces the culture. As the culture strengthens, it influences what is acceptable behaviour and future experiences. By strengthening this now and building upon daily visualization of the cancer being removed or reduced, and having gratitude, it will make this much easier when times are tough. I can practice now when things are going well and when things get rough it has been ingrained as part of my DNA and just the way things are. Attention to small details to help build the culture now make it easier later. I know that people asked me the first time I went through cancer treatment why I worked. I told people then, why not? I can work. Cancer is not going to stop me. The culture that I have surrounded myself with is attention to detail, while I strive to achieve perfection. This applies to everything in what I do, who I surround myself with and what we teach our kids. This behaviour will also be modeled going through treatment. Do not stop because things are hard. Persevere, adapt and push forward to be successful.
Excellence, resilience and love are all built the same way, through small, consistent actions that no one else sees. It is the attention to details that built our kitchen, shaped my team and guides our actions. The details from the culture carries us through everything that follows. What we practice when no one is watching is manifested when the world is.
Quoc Hao