Mel loves to watch Hallmark style movies all year long. It has progressed from Christmas movies to things that have been released throughout the year. They tend to be feel good stories with no real “bad guys” with generic storylines. I always tease her about it but lately I have been just as bad. I have been watching Asian versions of these which are arguably worse. The themes are just as corny and bad. A common one is getting resurrected to relive something that happened in the past and correct a wrong. At times like this when you are going through trauma you always think back and think “what if”. If I did this or that how would things have changed. We know when the cancer started this time and the timeline of progression. The what if situations are if we caught this sooner or if we did something different. I look back on my life and you remember the stupid and foolish decisions that you made. I realize though, those stupid mistakes and all of the choices have brought you to where you are now. If I went back in time and changed my behaviors would I be where I am now? Little actions can ripple through time. My bad choices have built resilience as I have had to navigate through them. When you have made the wrong choice or something where things do not turn out well, it is a learning experience. It helped build resilience.
I have helped teach random people over the years because of small innocent conversations. It is rare that someone will flat out ask me to help them with something. In university and high school it happened often, but that was from my friends. These days it comes up because I talk to someone and they mention a problem and I reply, I can help with that. Or I tell them to contact me and I will help guide them. I have mentored several people because of situations like this. I think back in situations and wonder how did we develop our relationship to that point. I have shared this before. I first met Mel because she was disruptive. I normally do not sit in on first or second year classes. But I decided to one day and Melanie came in late and the professor called her out on it. She then opened up her laptop and the professor told her not to use it. This was back in the day in the early 2005 era where laptop use was not as prevalent as it is now. When she sat down I remembered thinking that she was cute, but she seemed dumb. I was clearly wrong as she finished with one of the top marks in the class. And 20 years later she is now stuck with me. Luckily she has built up a lot of resilience over the years having to deal with me.
The project that I am working on now was a chance encounter. Xavier has private lessons for his goalie training and one of his shooters asked if someone could come. This player has come before, but this time his dad showed up. I knew his dad from high school, but we were acquaintances and not really friends. We started chatting and had aligned Interests and 9 months later we are working on things together. So many small actions had to come together to get to this point. Little actions can lead to big outcomes. He is someone that I speak with several times a week. I think back what if we had reconnected earlier. How would things have played out. Would we be further along with our work. It is interesting because this is the first time in a while where work is challenging. I remember when I was at HSN or Vale and I was doing work. I had told my colleagues that I enjoyed the work because it was fun and non-stressful. I loved the people that I worked with, but I did not find the work challenging. Academia was challenfing with grant writing and the politics. But the improvement was not. At its simplest state it is bringing order to chaos. There is a formula you can use. The work I am doing now is different though. It is merging different fields. It is allowing me to be innovative and push creativity. I tell my friend that I hate talking to him because every time we talk I see multiple pathways forward and it stimulates me to think of future ideas and things we need to do. It is fun. I want to go do the impossible. I want to be challenged and push things to the limit. This is conference I was booking when I got the call.
You can not control what happens in your life. What you do have control over is how you react to it. A “bad” experience is an opportunity to build resilience. My first time through this treatment taught me that I have a lot of people that care for me. It taught me resilience. It sharpened and brought into focus what is important. Do not worry about what you could have done differently or worry about life being fair. For me and my family to get to where we are now we were quite fortunate. Embrace the trials and tribulations in life and grow from them. I am grateful for all of the connections that i have made. In all of my closest relationships with friends I can pinpoint the initial connection and they are all serendipitous moments. Cherish the small moments.
Quoc Hao