Last night Mel and I were talking about support and chatting about informing more people. I am not sure how it started, but we discussed the ring theory of support. Mel has to take on a lot and I told her that she could talk to me. She said no. That I was in the innermost circle and that she could not lean on me for assistance. Support flows inward to the person experiencing the trauma, and you vent or lean for help outward. I know that the first time I had flat out told Mel that I could not take on her burden or help support her. This time, right now I feel different about it I guess. Probably because at the moment I do not feel like I have cancer. I am the one that is supposed to be carrying the heaviest weight, but I think that it does not seem so bad as I have a lot of people to help share the load at the moment. I am grateful that I have so many people that I can lean on. I am grateful for the people that I am surrounded by people that will give me their shoulders to lay my burdens on. Through all of this though, I have noticed that I do not generally share my mental burdens on others. I tend to write things out as my method of venting.
I know at times that physically and mentally I will be exhausted by all of the treatments. I know that I will struggle with eating and maintaining my strength. This is something that Mel is quite fearful of. I have learned some lessons from this however. The oncologist had said that they tell people to fast so that the results are consistent all of the time for treatments. If I have the discipline to maintain a consistent routine then I can eat or drink.
I called my dentist today to try and schedule a crown put onto my implant, but was told that the earliest appointment is actually Sept 30th and then it would take 2 weeks before they could put the crown on. I know that they do not really allow much dental work as there is a risk for infection or bleeding. As Mel is friends with our dentist we will see what we can do there. I also know of a couple, so I can see if there is anyway to expedite this process. The other option is the dentist that is associated with the cancer center. Mel asked if I had mentioned my cancer treatments, and I did, but that did not have much impact on changing results.
Today I have had several of my friends drop by. It is always nice to see friends and nice when they come bearing gifts. It is a common occurrence in times of difficulty. You bring food. I remember making food for others when they go through tough times. I can not remember the circumstances but I have made meatloaf or turkey dinners for my sister’s friends. I think I mainly did it because I had to make sure it was gluten free. That made it so much more interesting to make sure that everything was made within the boundaries and still tastes good. I also know that I have a bunch of friends who are awesome cooks/chefs that will inevitably drop off food for me and my family in the upcoming months. Some of my friends and family are concerned with cooking for me because they think that they will get judged as I come from a family that cooks well. A lot of my favorite meals though are super simplistic and I love simple meals that other people prepare. A simple French baguette with cultured butter, some nice slice of ham and slice of cheese is one of my favorite sandwiches, the other being a banh mi. Jambon buerre for the win!
Small choices compound. It is the small things that you do daily and without thought that result in large impacts over time. It creates discipline and helps with resilience. There are days when you may not want to do something when going through treatment such as drinking protein shakes every day. But you persevere and do it and these small choices help you maintain your weight. Be kind to people daily and help out everyone as much as you can because at some point you may need some help and they will remember. Small actions that may seem insignificant may have a large impact on other people. Doing a little every day will result in long gains. Thinking of small positive things daily reminds me of how lucky I am now and the gratitude that even though I may struggle at times I have it so much better because of who I have chosen to surround myself with.
Quoc Hao