When we got home last night I was rather tired and felt rather exhausted. It is times like these when I question how much more of this i can endure. I was a bit worried about my mental health, and I told her that I do not think that I could endure all of this for 4 or 5 more years, that it was too hard. I said that 1 or 2 years was easy and that I could go through this, but what worried me was at some point that I would have enough and that I do not think it would be worth it. I had told Mel that it was something that I would think about and did not want to burden her with it. I have a lot of friends that would lend me their ears as well and Mel mentioned that I also had the social worker I could confine in. It is not something that I really want to do though as I am not seeking comfort or answers. At those times I just need to vent and Mel said we should talk about it. The issue really is that there is no end date to the treatment, so it is not like I just need to get through the next 16 or something. What we count are the weeks and week 1 is the easiest and we know that week 3 is the hardest, but the question though is when week 1 becomes tough you know that the next 2 weeks are going to be even harder. It starts to get into your head a bit. Mel was amused by some of these as she said that most people are just concerned about the current treatment and trying to make it through these days and I was not too concerned about now and was worried about what would happen in the future. One of the drugs that I take for neuropathy has a side effect of depression and there are times now where I think that I am far more irritable. The BJJ this weekend was at the ability center which is designed for accessibility, but what I found was that a lot of people are not really cognizant of it and get in the way. One of my biggest pet peeves is groups of people walking 8 abreast. While we were shopping at IKEA it was difficult to navigate as people would make it difficult for me to navigate through. They would leave the carts in the middle of the aisles and watch as I tried to squeeze through. Some times I would just choose another path while they watched me without moving. What I need to do is monitor my mental health better along with my physical health. The physical health is easy but at times I just ignore how I am doing this mentally because I do not want to show any weakness and be a burden on Mel or the kids. The kids know about this but I am not sure how often they read it and keep up with it. If you are reading this, life is not always fair and things may be tough. You can persevere and get through it, we have a great support system and do not be afraid to use it. Do not be afraid about asking for help or sharing vulnerabilities you have. I do not have a lot of words of wisdom. What I told Xavier between his matches was be better. He increased his points from 2 to 10 so it clearly worked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Eating today is much better than before and I seem to not have as many issues as I did this weekend, but I am also in the comfort of my own home. Yesterday and today I had a banh mi and all I could taste was the cucumber, which is rather disappointing as I do love those sandwiches. We had bought half a dozen so we had them for dinner last night and Mel and Xavier brought them for lunch. I split mine in half so that I could eat it all. There is the possibility that I could eat the whole thing given a bit of time. My weight is slightly higher today and to me, my belly looks a bit bigger but it could be my imagination. My parents are bringing dinner tonight but we do not have any plans for food for the rest of the week. I should probably come up with something. I also need to attach the new dangler for Xavier and his new sticks are supposed to arrive today, but they were also supposed to arrive in Friday so I do not have much faith in that. Mel and I decided to go back to Ikea on the 4th weekend of my treatment for a quick day trip. We asked Xavier if he wanted to come and go shopping with his girlfriend. He said maybe so we will see what happens. There is a nice Italian restaurant that is close by where we will be. We think she is allergic to sesame and I am not sure how much exposure she has had to other cuisines of the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Desks are expensive and good ones even more. I have decided which desk I want to purchase but it is designed for me primarily to handle the weight of all the monitors. They eventually church crush particle board and this one is metal and it is white. There issue is my preference would be to have a sit stand desk so I can change the height but all the ones i see are not the right color. I know that this should not matter, but the thought at the back of my mind is do I want to incur this cost if I only have a couple of years left. This office is being designed for me with my preferences and the color scheme is mine. All of the furniture is white, my keyboard and mouse are white as is the new chair that I ordered in the summer. I will probably get it because it is a great desk for the price and it has a lot of accessories that will be useful for me. As the basement is not finished we are storing things upstairs for now, but I know Mel wants me to get the desk sorted. We are going to have a lot of boxes upstairs that we will need to assemble. I remember when my Brazilian friends first came and they wanted to hire people to assemble all of the Ikea furniture and we told them that is not a this in Canada. I think that it can all be done in a matter of days and we will also start looking at couches. I am looking forward to hearing the steam shower downstairs set up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Quoc Hao<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
When we got home last night I was rather tired and felt rather exhausted. It is times like these when I question how much more of this i can endure. I was a bit worried about my mental health, and I told her that I do not think that I could endure all of this…<\/p>\n