Today is 9\/11. In 2001 I was living in Ottawa working in the stockroom at Pier 1 Imports while attending Carleton. We had a TV in the back and for some reason the TV was on and we were watching it live as it happened. It was quite a shock at the time and watching the towers get hit and collapse was difficult to watch. Even though the TV was small and grainy you could see people in some of the shots and falling debris which turned out to be people jumping from the building that was on fire. I imagine that it was quite the choice to make, jump out and have a sure quick death or miraculously survive the floor being on fire and being rescued. That is an insane situation and I hope I am never in something like that where I need to make a choice like that. Cancer is difficult, and it may seem impossible at times. This week I have had some difficult times and it brought a bit of clarity for me in understanding things a bit more. Last week and this week I have had rough periods where I struggled with doing simple things and I thought I can not keep on doing this, it is too hard. The thing though is this happens when my energy levels are low and I am fatigued. When I have the opportunity to rest my thoughts are different and I think I can accomplish anything. I am going to have those bad moments, and it may seem like it is so difficult to overcome. I can either make sure that I do not let myself get into those situations or ask for more assistance on those days.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I love how much Mel appreciates the little things in life. As we were coming home from getting DQ she remarked at how beautiful the sky looked and how it was such a beautiful night. We had planned on watching Amazing Race while eating our ice cream otherwise we would have made a fire in the backyard and enjoyed the evening. Perhaps tomorrow if we do not get home too late we will do that. We had a bunch of gift cards and coupons so we spent less tan $5 on treats for everyone and Mel showed a lot of appreciation for that, as we saved money. Though if we bought nothing we could have saved even more. I should follow her lead and look at all of the small things that can bring me joy. My neuropathy is nowhere near as bad as it use to be and is now just triggered by cold, but that has been the case for the last couple of years. Sometimes you forget how things can be and you get use to the way things are now. The boys and Mel remind me more of what we use to do and I think that I can slowly recover some of that. Olivier asked today if I could eat a whole Big Mac since we said I was eating more now. I think that i can get there eventually, but that is a couple of months away and not today yet. I think that I want another cycle of treatment before I feel comfortable going back to Spain. I do not want to be hospitalized again and I am beginning to understand the patterns much better now. There is an F1 race again this weekend so things are shaping up similar to last week. Hopefully I do better tomorrow evening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Mel thought that today was much better for me energy wise. I seemed to have more energy for things and she thought that I was more active. She was supposed to go into work today but she decided to work from home. Originally she was going to pick up dinner but then it changed to I should make pasta with the tomatoes that a friend dropped off. I agreed and around lunch I decided that I should make a fresh baguette as well. A dinner that was supposed to be purchased turned into me making everything from scratch. Mel wanted a protein as well so I went to Tarini’s and bought 2 mild sausages and 1 hot one. I figured it would be fun to play roulette at dinner time. The baguette was eaten as an appetizer while dinner was being cooked. The pasta was delicious and the sausages were fun, but the pasta type was different from what I had anticipated so they were not cut to the appropriate size. We decided to get DQ after as well. When I was cleaning up the kitchen prior to cooking that is when it hit me how tired I was so I slowed things down a bit and took a break. What this whole thing helped show me though is the pattern, I know that Thursday is going to be tough, and I know that when I go to bed it is going to be depressing for me because things are difficult. Before it gets to that point i can ask for help and make things easier for myself. I also need to remember that it is a fleeting moment in time and the next morning things are ok. Tomorrow Xavier has a get together with his hockey team and he distance to the house is approximately the same as going to Halfway. We will see what lessons I have learned from last weekand and make sure that I do not repeat them. The drug concoction this week is different from last week, so things should be easier but I will make sure that I do not push myself too much and stay within my limits. My food intake today seems to be quite high and I have managed to increase my weight but it is within the normal range that it is not concerning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Q<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Today is 9\/11. In 2001 I was living in Ottawa working in the stockroom at Pier 1 Imports while attending Carleton. We had a TV in the back and for some reason the TV was on and we were watching it live as it happened. It was quite a shock at the time and watching…<\/p>\n